Thanks CMcG.
Two Pakistani men emigrate to Scotland , and agree to meet two
years later to see who has become the most Scottish.
Two years pass.
They meet and the first one says:
"I have a Scotland football jersey, I drink Scotch whisky and eat haggis every week, I've joined a pipe band, I own a Scottie dog, I wear a kilt everywhere, I salmon fish and I play golf ......... That's how Scottish I am.
How Scottish have you become?"
The second one replies,
"AWAY TAE FU*K YA PAKI BASTART!"
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Book Report-Too funny!!!
Thanks JB.
Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.
One student turned in the following book report,
With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic:.... Cost - $29.99
Clinton:.... Cost - $29.99
Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:..... Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:.... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:.... Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic:.... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:.... Ditto for Bill.
Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dr ess gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:..... Let's not go there.
Titanic:.... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:.... Monica' s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:...... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:...... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic:...... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:...... Monica... ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing
Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.
One student turned in the following book report,
With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic:.... Cost - $29.99
Clinton:.... Cost - $29.99
Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:..... Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:.... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:.... Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic:.... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:.... Ditto for Bill.
Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dr ess gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:..... Let's not go there.
Titanic:.... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:.... Monica' s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:...... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:...... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic:...... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:...... Monica... ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing
Dubai Crane
Ta, JB.
Babu Sassi, a fearless young man from southern India is the cult hero of Dubai 's army of construction workers. Known as the "Indian on the top of the world", Babi is the crane operator at the world's tallest building - the 819-meter (2,687 ft) Burj Dubai. His office, the cramped crane cab perched on top of the Burj, is also his home - apparently it takes too long to come down to the ground each day to make it worthwhile. When the building is completed, its elevators will be the world's fastest. Stories about his daily dalliance with death are discussed in revered terms by Dubai 's workers. Some say he has been up there for more than a year, others whisper that he's paid 30,000 dirhams ($8,168) a month compared with the average wage of 800 dirhams a month. All agree he's worth it.
Babu Sassi, a fearless young man from southern India is the cult hero of Dubai 's army of construction workers. Known as the "Indian on the top of the world", Babi is the crane operator at the world's tallest building - the 819-meter (2,687 ft) Burj Dubai. His office, the cramped crane cab perched on top of the Burj, is also his home - apparently it takes too long to come down to the ground each day to make it worthwhile. When the building is completed, its elevators will be the world's fastest. Stories about his daily dalliance with death are discussed in revered terms by Dubai 's workers. Some say he has been up there for more than a year, others whisper that he's paid 30,000 dirhams ($8,168) a month compared with the average wage of 800 dirhams a month. All agree he's worth it.
One Dumb Ass
Ta JB.
Never. . . Ever. .. . Ever. .. .
Put a FIRECRACKER in your ass and light it!
I REPEAT. . . Never...
Ever...
Ever, Put a FIRECRACKER in your ass & light it ! ! !
Now, that's . . . ONE DUMB ASS !
As a parent, I often wonder if I taught my sons and daughters everything they needed to know to lead a safe and sane life. You know what I mean . . .don't run with a knife, don't stick beans in your nose, don't lick a frosted piece of metal, etc. But, you know, I think I might have missed this particular piece of advice. However, let's face it, if any of my sons or daughters ever tried this totally idiotic stunt, I’d figure they are way too stupid to survive in this world anyway!
Never. . . Ever. .. . Ever. .. .
Put a FIRECRACKER in your ass and light it!
I REPEAT. . . Never...
Ever...
Ever, Put a FIRECRACKER in your ass & light it ! ! !
Now, that's . . . ONE DUMB ASS !
Lighten Up 82! - Irishmen and blonde
Cheers AMac.
Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing. Paddy replied,
'We're supposed to be finding the fook'n height of this flagpole, but we don't have a fook'n ladder.'
The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches...Then, she walked off.
Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the fook'n height and she gives us the fook'n length.'
Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing. Paddy replied,
'We're supposed to be finding the fook'n height of this flagpole, but we don't have a fook'n ladder.'
The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches...Then, she walked off.
Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the fook'n height and she gives us the fook'n length.'
Lighten Up 81! - Don't try to outsmart Dad
Thanks to several for this.
A young boy had just got his driver's license and asked his dad if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son.
"If you bring your grades up from C to B, study your Bible and get your hair cut ....then we'll talk about you borrowing the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said,
"Son, I'm really proud of you. You've brought your grades up and I've been watching you studying your Bible. However, I'm a bit disappointed that you haven't had your hair cut.
The lad paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's a strong argument that Jesus had long hair too."
To which his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
A young boy had just got his driver's license and asked his dad if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son.
"If you bring your grades up from C to B, study your Bible and get your hair cut ....then we'll talk about you borrowing the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said,
"Son, I'm really proud of you. You've brought your grades up and I've been watching you studying your Bible. However, I'm a bit disappointed that you haven't had your hair cut.
The lad paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's a strong argument that Jesus had long hair too."
To which his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
Monday, June 29, 2009
Soi LK Metro - June 2009 - 2
Well, I am as confused as anybody else.
The Blue Moon deal may be going through after all! Still, I'm not sure though!
The (former) Diana Millennium is very much a building site. There's definitely several months work to be done.
A lot of the local forums are referring to a Times online report of an extortion racket at the airport whereby passengers are 'accused' of stealing in the shopping area and then 'held' until a substantial fee is paid. Apparently a British couple are now resorting to the courts to get somewhere in the region of 8,000 Sterling back! Beware!
Local news on TV has relegated politics, economy and all such ills way down the order. Headlines these days is the fact that a one month old panda can now scratch itself or something. Ooooooops - now I'm at it!
I've just added a few gadgets to the blog - currency converter, sudoko, and a comment / sign in / ask facility where you can ask me or each other questions. No guarantees on the quality of answers though!
Pattaya is pretty quiet these days although some places are still chugging along more or less like last year. Thankfully Metro customers are pretty loyal folk and you still come by to see Anna and the other girls (a couple of new ones have now joined us).
I know you don't come by to see my ugly mug! Please, do keep up the good work!
That's all for now folks! Need my sleep now -(5.20 AM).
The Blue Moon deal may be going through after all! Still, I'm not sure though!
The (former) Diana Millennium is very much a building site. There's definitely several months work to be done.
A lot of the local forums are referring to a Times online report of an extortion racket at the airport whereby passengers are 'accused' of stealing in the shopping area and then 'held' until a substantial fee is paid. Apparently a British couple are now resorting to the courts to get somewhere in the region of 8,000 Sterling back! Beware!
Local news on TV has relegated politics, economy and all such ills way down the order. Headlines these days is the fact that a one month old panda can now scratch itself or something. Ooooooops - now I'm at it!
I've just added a few gadgets to the blog - currency converter, sudoko, and a comment / sign in / ask facility where you can ask me or each other questions. No guarantees on the quality of answers though!
Pattaya is pretty quiet these days although some places are still chugging along more or less like last year. Thankfully Metro customers are pretty loyal folk and you still come by to see Anna and the other girls (a couple of new ones have now joined us).
I know you don't come by to see my ugly mug! Please, do keep up the good work!
That's all for now folks! Need my sleep now -(5.20 AM).
Lighten Up - 80! Retirement
Thanks GT.
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said,
'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
So my wife called him a ####-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said,
'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
So my wife called him a ####-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
The best poem of 2008
Thanks GT for this one.
This poem was nominated by UN as the best poem of 2008,
Written by an African Kid
Le meilleur poème de 2008
Ce poème a été désigné par l'ONU comme le meilleur poème de 2008,
Écrit par un Africain Kid
When I born, I black
Quand je suis né, je suis noir
When I grow up, I black
Quand je serai grand, je suis noir
When I go in Sun, I black
Quand je vais au soleil, je suis noir
When I scared, I black
Quand j'ai peur, je suis noir
When I sick, I black
Quand je suis malade, je suis noir
And when I die, I still black
Et quand je mourrai, je reste noir
And you white fellow
Et vous camarades blancs
When you born, you pink
Quand êtes-vous né, vous êtes rose
When you grow up, you white
Quand vous grandirez, vous serez blanc
When you go in sun, you red
Lorsque vous allez au soleil, vous devenez rouge
When you cold, you blue
Lorsque vous aurez froid, vous deviendrez bleu
When you scared, you yellow
Quand vous aurez peur, vous deviendrez jaune
When you sick, you green
Lorsque vous tomberez malade, vous serez vert
And when you die, you gray
Et quand vous mourrez, vous deviendrez gris
And you calling me colored?
Et vous me prenez pour couleur?
This poem was nominated by UN as the best poem of 2008,
Written by an African Kid
Le meilleur poème de 2008
Ce poème a été désigné par l'ONU comme le meilleur poème de 2008,
Écrit par un Africain Kid
When I born, I black
Quand je suis né, je suis noir
When I grow up, I black
Quand je serai grand, je suis noir
When I go in Sun, I black
Quand je vais au soleil, je suis noir
When I scared, I black
Quand j'ai peur, je suis noir
When I sick, I black
Quand je suis malade, je suis noir
And when I die, I still black
Et quand je mourrai, je reste noir
And you white fellow
Et vous camarades blancs
When you born, you pink
Quand êtes-vous né, vous êtes rose
When you grow up, you white
Quand vous grandirez, vous serez blanc
When you go in sun, you red
Lorsque vous allez au soleil, vous devenez rouge
When you cold, you blue
Lorsque vous aurez froid, vous deviendrez bleu
When you scared, you yellow
Quand vous aurez peur, vous deviendrez jaune
When you sick, you green
Lorsque vous tomberez malade, vous serez vert
And when you die, you gray
Et quand vous mourrez, vous deviendrez gris
And you calling me colored?
Et vous me prenez pour couleur?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
In and around Soi LK Metro
Regular visitors to the area will at some point have passed by Diana Millennium on Soi Boukhao. Well, apparently the Diana Group have ceased operations there.
Currently the building is being gutted and the interior is being re-designed. As of now I do not have any info on who is going to operate the place when it re-opens and no info on what they will be offering - although probably rooms and food/drink as previously.
More info later.
Currently the building is being gutted and the interior is being re-designed. As of now I do not have any info on who is going to operate the place when it re-opens and no info on what they will be offering - although probably rooms and food/drink as previously.
More info later.
Tourist Visas - Free!
Today the Thai Authorities have announced that Tourist visas will continue to be issued free until March 2010.
To clear any confusion this is a Tourist visa applied for before you leave your country of residence. It has a validity of 60 days and can be extended 30 days at local Immigration.
The visa you get on arrival at the airport upon arrival in Thailand is a Transit visa and is valid for 30 days with a 7 day extension possible.
So, if you're planning to stay here for longer than a month, get a Tourist visa from the local Thai Mission and you can stay 90 days hassle free.
To clear any confusion this is a Tourist visa applied for before you leave your country of residence. It has a validity of 60 days and can be extended 30 days at local Immigration.
The visa you get on arrival at the airport upon arrival in Thailand is a Transit visa and is valid for 30 days with a 7 day extension possible.
So, if you're planning to stay here for longer than a month, get a Tourist visa from the local Thai Mission and you can stay 90 days hassle free.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Lighten Up 79! - From the Office of the PM
Thanks CMcG. This could have come from any number of PM's offices.
10 Downing Street
London SW1
Dear People of the United Kingdom,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and older on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government deems appropriate.
Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
The government has always prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your local MP.
They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
Gordon Brown
10 Downing Street
London SW1
Dear People of the United Kingdom,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and older on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government deems appropriate.
Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
The government has always prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your local MP.
They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
Gordon Brown
Lighten Up 78! - Wee Johnny and the PM
Thanks CMcG.
GORDON BROWN was visiting a Buckie primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr. Brown if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'. A little boy stood up and offered:
'If ma best freen, wha lives on a fairm, is playin' in the field an' a tractor rins ower him and kills him, that wid be a 'tragedy.'
'No', said Gordon - 'that would be an accident.'
A little girl raised her hand: 'If a skale bus kerryin' fufty children drove ower a cliff, killing a'b'dy inside, that wid be a tragedy'.
'I'm afraid not', explained Gordon - 'that's what we would call a 'great loss''.
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Gordon searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?' Finally, at the back of the room, wee Johnny raised his hand... In a quiet voice he said:
'If a plane kerryin' you and Mr. Darlin' wis struck by a 'freendly fire' missile & blawn tae smithereens, that wid be a tragedy.'
'Fantastic!' exclaimed Gordon. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'
'Weel,' says wee Johnny 'it his tae be a tragedy, because it certainly widnae be a great loss..... and it probably widnae be a f*cking accident either!
GORDON BROWN was visiting a Buckie primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr. Brown if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'. A little boy stood up and offered:
'If ma best freen, wha lives on a fairm, is playin' in the field an' a tractor rins ower him and kills him, that wid be a 'tragedy.'
'No', said Gordon - 'that would be an accident.'
A little girl raised her hand: 'If a skale bus kerryin' fufty children drove ower a cliff, killing a'b'dy inside, that wid be a tragedy'.
'I'm afraid not', explained Gordon - 'that's what we would call a 'great loss''.
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Gordon searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?' Finally, at the back of the room, wee Johnny raised his hand... In a quiet voice he said:
'If a plane kerryin' you and Mr. Darlin' wis struck by a 'freendly fire' missile & blawn tae smithereens, that wid be a tragedy.'
'Fantastic!' exclaimed Gordon. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'
'Weel,' says wee Johnny 'it his tae be a tragedy, because it certainly widnae be a great loss..... and it probably widnae be a f*cking accident either!
Lighten Up 77! - Wee Johnny's Breakfast
Thanks Andy Mac.
A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.
To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg,
'E-G-G'.
'Very good', says the teacher.
Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.
'Excellent.'
Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.
'I had fuck all', he says, 'F-U-C-K A-L-L'.
The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.
Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.
Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada 's east coast.
When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.
Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'
Johnny ponders the question and finally says,
'The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother. That's why I got fuck all for breakfast'.
A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.
To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg,
'E-G-G'.
'Very good', says the teacher.
Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.
'Excellent.'
Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.
'I had fuck all', he says, 'F-U-C-K A-L-L'.
The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.
Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.
Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada 's east coast.
When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.
Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'
Johnny ponders the question and finally says,
'The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother. That's why I got fuck all for breakfast'.
Soi LK Metro - June 2009
Apparently the deal for the Blue Moon has gone sour and it's on offer again.
The lads from Curries are closing the place for a couple of months and then returning to Pattaya to re-open it later in the year when numbers pick up.
Zion House still has a 'For Sale' sign on the first floor balcony.
Despite the increase in excise on booze we have not altered our prices. At some point in the future but not for now.
According to the BBC the government here in Thailand is spending quite a few bob on a stimulus package to get the economy going again. The exchange rate is creeping up in fits and starts but then stumbles and then off it goes again. Still, I think it's going to be a bit of a struggle to get back to 60 Baht to Sterling.
Finally, thanks to those who brought in-flight magazines with them up to now. Much appreciated.
The lads from Curries are closing the place for a couple of months and then returning to Pattaya to re-open it later in the year when numbers pick up.
Zion House still has a 'For Sale' sign on the first floor balcony.
Despite the increase in excise on booze we have not altered our prices. At some point in the future but not for now.
According to the BBC the government here in Thailand is spending quite a few bob on a stimulus package to get the economy going again. The exchange rate is creeping up in fits and starts but then stumbles and then off it goes again. Still, I think it's going to be a bit of a struggle to get back to 60 Baht to Sterling.
Finally, thanks to those who brought in-flight magazines with them up to now. Much appreciated.
Bangkok - June 2009 - Additional Info
Further to the last item, I've had a question re prices.
Dynasty Inn, Soi 4, Big room 1,900/night; smaller room 1,600/night.
Happy Hour: 5-7 pm.
When I was there - 1 x wing was closed (I suspect low numbers and a chance to 're-do' some of the fittings).
Most bars: Heineken 110 - 130 Baht depending on the eye-candy.
Dynasty Inn, Soi 4, Big room 1,900/night; smaller room 1,600/night.
Happy Hour: 5-7 pm.
When I was there - 1 x wing was closed (I suspect low numbers and a chance to 're-do' some of the fittings).
Most bars: Heineken 110 - 130 Baht depending on the eye-candy.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Bangkok - June 2009
I've just been up to Bangkok for a couple of days with Andy Mac. As is often the case the road to hell is paved with good intentions and I didn't get to meet several friends as I wanted to.
Because of its central location we stayed at the Dynasty Inn on Soi 4. The Dynasty continues to provide the basic comforts it always has and still offers its Happy Hour from 5 - 7 pm when you can sit out front and watch the world go by. The second night we trawled around Nana and the only word to describe it is 'awful'. It hasn't seen any refurbishment in years and continues to get dirtier and shoddier. According to the staff in several places - 'not busy'.
The following evening we decided to visit Soi Cowboy after years of not having been there. What a difference! We approached from the Soi Asoke end and this end of the street is now open (no idea since when). With only one or two exceptions every watering hole we entered was well looked after, with friendly and efficient staff none of whom were hassling punters to buy them a drink. The music and lighting was very good in several bars and there was ample smoking space provided just outside each venue.
Should you find yourself in Bangkok for several days and want to have a relaxing jar or two - Soi Cowboy gets our vote. We had intended to eat around there but ran out of time so comments in that area will have to wait until the next visit.
Because of its central location we stayed at the Dynasty Inn on Soi 4. The Dynasty continues to provide the basic comforts it always has and still offers its Happy Hour from 5 - 7 pm when you can sit out front and watch the world go by. The second night we trawled around Nana and the only word to describe it is 'awful'. It hasn't seen any refurbishment in years and continues to get dirtier and shoddier. According to the staff in several places - 'not busy'.
The following evening we decided to visit Soi Cowboy after years of not having been there. What a difference! We approached from the Soi Asoke end and this end of the street is now open (no idea since when). With only one or two exceptions every watering hole we entered was well looked after, with friendly and efficient staff none of whom were hassling punters to buy them a drink. The music and lighting was very good in several bars and there was ample smoking space provided just outside each venue.
Should you find yourself in Bangkok for several days and want to have a relaxing jar or two - Soi Cowboy gets our vote. We had intended to eat around there but ran out of time so comments in that area will have to wait until the next visit.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Lighten Up 76! - Flight Attendant
I have seen various versions of this but too good to not publish. Thanks Pat.
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and said
"Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super".
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines, but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground".
She calmly turned her head and said "In my country I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one".
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch".
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and said
"Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super".
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines, but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground".
She calmly turned her head and said "In my country I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one".
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch".
Flattery!
I decided a couple of weeks ago to remove the Metro band across the front windows of the bar and have a light box attacked below the canopy. The work has now been done and it is easier to see who / what is inside which was the aim.
Well, Ray who has taken over the Haven which is across the street from us has copied the middle box which says "Air conditioned Sports Bar" - must have been the same sign maker 'cause even the font is the same.
Well, I never! Knock me over with a feather!
Well, Ray who has taken over the Haven which is across the street from us has copied the middle box which says "Air conditioned Sports Bar" - must have been the same sign maker 'cause even the font is the same.
Well, I never! Knock me over with a feather!
7% - Taken from an Email.
Thanks Pat.
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.
"My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28.. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
"Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this with the title '7%'. I'm in the 7%. Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.
"My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28.. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
"Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this with the title '7%'. I'm in the 7%. Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The financial crisis explained in simple terms:
Thanks JB / Razor.
Jimmy is the proprietor of a bar in Glasgow . In order to increase sales, he decides to allow his loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. He keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Jimmy's bar.
Taking advantage of his customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Jimmy increases his prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. His sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Jimmy's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into BOOZEBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently, of course, fired due to his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Jimmy's bar. However, they cannot pay back the debts. Jimmy cannot fulfil his loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.
BOOZEBOND and ALKIBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %. The suppliers of Jimmy's bar, having granted him generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. His wine supplier claims bankruptcy, his beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.
The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.
Finally an explanation I understand ..................................
Jimmy is the proprietor of a bar in Glasgow . In order to increase sales, he decides to allow his loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. He keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Jimmy's bar.
Taking advantage of his customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Jimmy increases his prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. His sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Jimmy's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into BOOZEBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently, of course, fired due to his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Jimmy's bar. However, they cannot pay back the debts. Jimmy cannot fulfil his loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.
BOOZEBOND and ALKIBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %. The suppliers of Jimmy's bar, having granted him generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. His wine supplier claims bankruptcy, his beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.
The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.
Finally an explanation I understand ..................................
Lighten Up 75! 4th Grade
Thanks Pat/Terry.
A teacher was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. The teacher asked, 'Boy, what is your problem?'
Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!' The teacher had enough. She took the Boy to the Principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'. And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.' The teacher says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.
The teacher asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'
Teacher: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'
Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The Principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge. Boy.: Bubblegum
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The Principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer... Boy.: Shake hands
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Boy: Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg..
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Boy.: Nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement? Boy: Firetruck
Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if you don't get it, you have to use your hand. Boy.: Fork
Teacher: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.
Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, likes pumping and is responsible for making love ? Boy: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, 'Send this Boy to UNIVERSITY, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'.
A teacher was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. The teacher asked, 'Boy, what is your problem?'
Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!' The teacher had enough. She took the Boy to the Principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'. And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.' The teacher says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.
The teacher asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'
Teacher: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'
Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The Principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge. Boy.: Bubblegum
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The Principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer... Boy.: Shake hands
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Boy: Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg..
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Boy.: Nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement? Boy: Firetruck
Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if you don't get it, you have to use your hand. Boy.: Fork
Teacher: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.
Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, likes pumping and is responsible for making love ? Boy: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, 'Send this Boy to UNIVERSITY, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'.
Lighten Up 74! - Little girl on a plane
Thanks Andy Mac.
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.' The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?' 'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?' The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.' To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.' The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?' 'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?' The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.' To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
Lighten Up 73! - Paddy's towel waving
Thanks Andy Mac.
Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in a small coastal Irish community. After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while.
So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax.
So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax. So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested. After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet. The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Paddy waved the big towel. They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours. When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice said:
'And that, me son, is how ya waves a fukkin' towel!'
Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in a small coastal Irish community. After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while.
So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax.
So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax. So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested. After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet. The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Paddy waved the big towel. They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours. When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice said:
'And that, me son, is how ya waves a fukkin' towel!'
Lighten Up 72! - Seamus the farmer.
Thanks GT.
A farmer named Seamus had a car accident. In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.
'Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
Seamus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the...
''I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just Answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,'I'm fine!'?
Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....
'The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.
Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me,and said, 'How are you feeling?'
'Now what the F*ck would you say?'
A farmer named Seamus had a car accident. In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.
'Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
Seamus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the...
''I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just Answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,'I'm fine!'?
Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....
'The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.
Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me,and said, 'How are you feeling?'
'Now what the F*ck would you say?'
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Exchange rates?
Approximate exchange rates before I hit the sack:
1USD - 34THB
1GBP - 56THB
1EUR - 48THB
1AUD - 27THB
Mid rates at 6AM.
Good night!
1USD - 34THB
1GBP - 56THB
1EUR - 48THB
1AUD - 27THB
Mid rates at 6AM.
Good night!
Visa Regulations Changing Again
Several sources are reporting that visa regulations are changing again. It is one of those thorny topics that send people into all sorts of moaning - when it really shouldn't.
According to these reports, visitors to the country who continue to do border runs will, after four 'runs' be allowed to leave the country but will have to return by air. Now, this does affect those who do not obtain a tourist visa prior to entry into Thailand. Anyone who arrives without a visa gets a 30-day 'transit' visa which covers most tourists. If someone knows they are going to be here longer on holiday and they do not want to get a 7-day extension and do not want to have an overstay stamp in their passport, the answer is to get a tourist visa prior to departure from the nearest Thai consular facility.
Those who are adversely affected are long-term visitors. The amount of ire emanating from them is massive. There seems to be an en-grained belief that they are not wanted here. Why not get a visa? To the best of my knowledge you can not enter Europe or probably other Western countries on a transit visa which is obtained at the port of entry and then proceed to enter and exit ad infinitum. I don't understand why it should be possible in Thailand and the fact that this loophole is being closed now doesn't deserve the indignation which it seems to be generating.
In UK and elsewhere in Europe there are 'settlement' visas for those with a 'right' as defined by Governments. It is a 'right' conferred on the visitor by the government and as they say he who gives can also take away.
I have completed visa application forms before for the UK and there is an explicit warning on the form that even after the visa has been issued, the right to enter is determined by the immigration officer at the port of entry and not by the existence of the visa stamp in the passport.
'Settlement' visas are designed for non-UK nationals with a UK spouse whose circumstances require them to live in the country.
A Thai transit visa is in reality a free tourist vise issued on arrival with a 30-day validity. Most people are happy with that. For longer term visitors there are work, marriage and retirement visas as well as business visas.
Lest anyone think the laws here are 'too strict' I could not get my (Thai) wife a visa for Spain (also a tourist destination for millions annually) some years back unless she had 'proof' of US$1,000 spend available even though she had a multi-entry visa for the UK and a resident permit for a third country where we resided as well as two young children in tow. The Spanish authorities seemed to think I was going to abandon her in Spain and exit the country without her! Even then they would have been able to send her to the UK where she already had a visa!
So, what's so unbearable about the visa regulations here?
Meanwhile The Nation is this morning concentrating on to lease or not - a reference to 4,000 buses for the BMTA - and who stands to gain??
According to these reports, visitors to the country who continue to do border runs will, after four 'runs' be allowed to leave the country but will have to return by air. Now, this does affect those who do not obtain a tourist visa prior to entry into Thailand. Anyone who arrives without a visa gets a 30-day 'transit' visa which covers most tourists. If someone knows they are going to be here longer on holiday and they do not want to get a 7-day extension and do not want to have an overstay stamp in their passport, the answer is to get a tourist visa prior to departure from the nearest Thai consular facility.
Those who are adversely affected are long-term visitors. The amount of ire emanating from them is massive. There seems to be an en-grained belief that they are not wanted here. Why not get a visa? To the best of my knowledge you can not enter Europe or probably other Western countries on a transit visa which is obtained at the port of entry and then proceed to enter and exit ad infinitum. I don't understand why it should be possible in Thailand and the fact that this loophole is being closed now doesn't deserve the indignation which it seems to be generating.
In UK and elsewhere in Europe there are 'settlement' visas for those with a 'right' as defined by Governments. It is a 'right' conferred on the visitor by the government and as they say he who gives can also take away.
I have completed visa application forms before for the UK and there is an explicit warning on the form that even after the visa has been issued, the right to enter is determined by the immigration officer at the port of entry and not by the existence of the visa stamp in the passport.
'Settlement' visas are designed for non-UK nationals with a UK spouse whose circumstances require them to live in the country.
A Thai transit visa is in reality a free tourist vise issued on arrival with a 30-day validity. Most people are happy with that. For longer term visitors there are work, marriage and retirement visas as well as business visas.
Lest anyone think the laws here are 'too strict' I could not get my (Thai) wife a visa for Spain (also a tourist destination for millions annually) some years back unless she had 'proof' of US$1,000 spend available even though she had a multi-entry visa for the UK and a resident permit for a third country where we resided as well as two young children in tow. The Spanish authorities seemed to think I was going to abandon her in Spain and exit the country without her! Even then they would have been able to send her to the UK where she already had a visa!
So, what's so unbearable about the visa regulations here?
Meanwhile The Nation is this morning concentrating on to lease or not - a reference to 4,000 buses for the BMTA - and who stands to gain??
Andy's in town
Andy, the nice bloke who ran the Drunken Duck has been in town but is currently in the 'sticks'. Had a chat with him last week - still a cracking bloke.
Another Andy is due in town at the end of the week - assuming he doesn't get lost in Phuket between now and then. Quantities of grapefruit juice to be added to the shopping list or there'll be no greyhounds!
Rumour has it that Steve - the Murphy's Law whistler - err I mean gaffer is due back in town this week according to my sources (his Dad!). Wait and see!
Did a spot of GAA watching on Sunday. The streaming quality was surprisingly reliable for a change.
Apparently the Blue Moon is being / has been sold!!
A few jokes to follow in the next day or two as there is quite a backlog of them building up!
Another Andy is due in town at the end of the week - assuming he doesn't get lost in Phuket between now and then. Quantities of grapefruit juice to be added to the shopping list or there'll be no greyhounds!
Rumour has it that Steve - the Murphy's Law whistler - err I mean gaffer is due back in town this week according to my sources (his Dad!). Wait and see!
Did a spot of GAA watching on Sunday. The streaming quality was surprisingly reliable for a change.
Apparently the Blue Moon is being / has been sold!!
A few jokes to follow in the next day or two as there is quite a backlog of them building up!
Why the Silence?
Humblest apologies for the lack of recent posts. Last week I took a few days off - well, sort of off -- and went up to the Big Chilli as I believe some people now refer to Bangkok. Not a lot new really going on up there - according to hotel and bar staff things are very, very quiet.
Had a stroll around the 'Barrier Reef' to see how well various levels of the food chain are doing. As with all reefs, if you upset the delicate balance of life in one area there are effects and outcomes elsewhere which you may not have expected.
From the larger hotels, I had a stroll into The Huntsman Pub in the Landmark hotel to see what the band was like. Well, the band was excellent but there was a distinct shortage of customers - and in the Landmark you are talking about people who don't worry about where the next shilling is coming from.
A leisurely stroll through Robinson's store and the supermarket below Tops and it was apparent that the sales personnel there are not exactly overworked. An amble to visit an old acquaintance off Soi 33 re-confirmed the impression that Bangkok is pretty much suffering all round. Economic realities throughout the world are having an effect.
Pattaya trundles along as always but here there is also an absence of feet on the streets or bums on seats. As in Bangkok there are lots of businesses for sale of all sorts really - even some that are not immediately or so obviously tied into tourism - translation, hairdressing, wellness (I believe is the new fad), and then the more obvious tours, events and sightseeing. In turn these have an effect on all sorts of small businesses.
The increase in excise duty introduced by the government have been passed on in most establishments. I was nothing short of astounded at a small sidewalk bar/restaurant to have to pay 460 Baht in Bangkok for a bottle of beer and a chicken / fried rice. The old ticker did a whirlly! A good job not many Pattaya Lifers visit the Capital too often!
Had a stroll around the 'Barrier Reef' to see how well various levels of the food chain are doing. As with all reefs, if you upset the delicate balance of life in one area there are effects and outcomes elsewhere which you may not have expected.
From the larger hotels, I had a stroll into The Huntsman Pub in the Landmark hotel to see what the band was like. Well, the band was excellent but there was a distinct shortage of customers - and in the Landmark you are talking about people who don't worry about where the next shilling is coming from.
A leisurely stroll through Robinson's store and the supermarket below Tops and it was apparent that the sales personnel there are not exactly overworked. An amble to visit an old acquaintance off Soi 33 re-confirmed the impression that Bangkok is pretty much suffering all round. Economic realities throughout the world are having an effect.
Pattaya trundles along as always but here there is also an absence of feet on the streets or bums on seats. As in Bangkok there are lots of businesses for sale of all sorts really - even some that are not immediately or so obviously tied into tourism - translation, hairdressing, wellness (I believe is the new fad), and then the more obvious tours, events and sightseeing. In turn these have an effect on all sorts of small businesses.
The increase in excise duty introduced by the government have been passed on in most establishments. I was nothing short of astounded at a small sidewalk bar/restaurant to have to pay 460 Baht in Bangkok for a bottle of beer and a chicken / fried rice. The old ticker did a whirlly! A good job not many Pattaya Lifers visit the Capital too often!
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