Just in case you missed it. Local media reports that Phuket tourist figures and elsewhere are down by 25-30% on this period last year. Well, that may be the case in mid-range hotels but the situation is worse in some higher end properties. Well, the men-in-the-know are attributing this decline to 'flu!! Yep, you can pick any 'oul 'flu it seems!
It has nothing to do with the lamentable state of the world economy, rising global unemployment, intermittent political instability and the exchange rate! Just thought I'd let you know!!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
When does 2 = 11.4?
Over the last few weeks the rate of excise tax on cigarettes, fuel and alcohol has gone up apparently from 7 to 9%. This was said to increase the price of a bottle of beer by 3 Baht and also cigarettes.
A few days later it was said cigarettes would go up by between 11 and 16 Baht per pack which seems to reflect the situation on the ground.
Now enter stage right my beer supplier! I got a file of the new prices last night and did a quick calculation. I just checked Heineken and worked out the percentage increase on a case - 11.4%!!
When I pointed this out to the bloke he told me that the supplier had increased the price by 5% only! We went through the calculation on a bottle basis and he agreed that if I multiplied that price by 24 (the number of bottles in the case) I would see that the increase was only 5%. Guess what - it was 11.4%!
For the time being Metro is going to absorb the increase in cost but the cc bars have already had to raise their prices only to see their customers walk.
A few days later it was said cigarettes would go up by between 11 and 16 Baht per pack which seems to reflect the situation on the ground.
Now enter stage right my beer supplier! I got a file of the new prices last night and did a quick calculation. I just checked Heineken and worked out the percentage increase on a case - 11.4%!!
When I pointed this out to the bloke he told me that the supplier had increased the price by 5% only! We went through the calculation on a bottle basis and he agreed that if I multiplied that price by 24 (the number of bottles in the case) I would see that the increase was only 5%. Guess what - it was 11.4%!
For the time being Metro is going to absorb the increase in cost but the cc bars have already had to raise their prices only to see their customers walk.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Lighten Up 71! - Glorious Insults
Thanks again JB.
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A Member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. "
Paul Keating (Ex Australian Prime Minister)
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A Member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. "
Paul Keating (Ex Australian Prime Minister)
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
Lighten Up 70! - Did I read that sign right?
Ta JB.
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Monday, May 11, 2009
Lighten Up 69! Idle thoughts
Thanks CMcG.
I had amnesia once or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.Now what?
Protons have mass?I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Is it me--or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
I had amnesia once or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.Now what?
Protons have mass?I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Is it me--or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
Lighten Up 68! Irish Sausages
Thanks GT.
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said: 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said: 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'
Murphy replied: 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pintsof Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said: 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! 'They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free. At the tenth pub Shamus said: 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'
Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said: 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said: 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'
Murphy replied: 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pintsof Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said: 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! 'They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free. At the tenth pub Shamus said: 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'
Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'
Friday, May 8, 2009
Lighten Up 66! - Disappearing Husband
Thanks SJ.
A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant . Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned .
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table . Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared .
The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table . "
The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No he didn't . He just walked in the door
A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant . Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned .
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table . Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared .
The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table . "
The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No he didn't . He just walked in the door
Soi LK Metro
Well, today is a Buddhist holiday and the bar is closed as a sign of respect (well, we got a closure notification!).
On the issue of closures, Hell Club has not yet re-opened although it was said it would have opened by now. Well, things change all the time in Funtown.
It also looks like Bulldog bar around the corner from Metro Apartments, near Champagne, has closed after a brief stint. Ice has re-launched as an air-conditioned beer bar but still doesn't appear to be attracting punters.
There has also been an increase of no-shows of late in a few businesses, a case of the punter changing his mind but not amending his booking or less fortunate business rivals appearing as 'ghost' bookings? I wonder.
On the issue of closures, Hell Club has not yet re-opened although it was said it would have opened by now. Well, things change all the time in Funtown.
It also looks like Bulldog bar around the corner from Metro Apartments, near Champagne, has closed after a brief stint. Ice has re-launched as an air-conditioned beer bar but still doesn't appear to be attracting punters.
There has also been an increase of no-shows of late in a few businesses, a case of the punter changing his mind but not amending his booking or less fortunate business rivals appearing as 'ghost' bookings? I wonder.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Soi LK Metro Guests
Last weekend Horseshoe Point was the venue for the Rugby 10s which is organised by Pattaya Panthers.
Metro Apartments in conjunction with Irish Rovers, Kilkenny and Pasadena had the pleasure of accommodating some of these gents. As you might expect, there were several good sessions when the lads from 'down under' and their (mostly) Irish hosts got together. It was a real pleasure looking after the Buccaneers RUC and we hope to see them next year. You couldn't meet a nicer bunch of lads. In the meantime should any of their friends need accommodation in Pattaya, drop me an email!
Metro Apartments in conjunction with Irish Rovers, Kilkenny and Pasadena had the pleasure of accommodating some of these gents. As you might expect, there were several good sessions when the lads from 'down under' and their (mostly) Irish hosts got together. It was a real pleasure looking after the Buccaneers RUC and we hope to see them next year. You couldn't meet a nicer bunch of lads. In the meantime should any of their friends need accommodation in Pattaya, drop me an email!
Trivia - 2
Thanks to GzT.
Subject: Water or Coke. This is really an eye opener!
We all know that water is important but I've never seen it written down like this before.
WATER
1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half world population.)
2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.
5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.
8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50%less likely to develop bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?
COKE
1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for sumptuous brown gravy.
8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
FOR YOUR INFORMATION:
1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.
2.To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the Commercial truck must use the Hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.
3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years! Now the question is, would YOU like a glass of water or coke?
Subject: Water or Coke. This is really an eye opener!
We all know that water is important but I've never seen it written down like this before.
WATER
1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half world population.)
2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.
5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.
8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50%less likely to develop bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?
COKE
1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for sumptuous brown gravy.
8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
FOR YOUR INFORMATION:
1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.
2.To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the Commercial truck must use the Hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.
3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years! Now the question is, would YOU like a glass of water or coke?
Happenings in Soi LK Metro
The Haven, diagonally across the street from me has changed hands. Dan, Lorraine and the lads are heading to pastures new. Ray, a Londoner, is the new 'guv'.
The Blue Moon is still on the market.
Still no idea what's happening to the Italian Restaurant / Pizzeria next door.
Met the new(ish) owner of the Drunken Duck. He's from Norway and is, if I recall correctly, called Ruge.
Metro Apartments: we've just been repairing the canopy out front which had been leaking. A new invention called a gutter will also stop the rainwater dripping at precisely that point where you walk in! We've also been changing several electric breakers in the rooms - remarkable that even though they are made in Korea or Japan, if they stop functioning after two - yes two - weeks, there's no return/replace/repair policy. It's a case of 'you buys it you takes your chances'. I suppose it's no worse than placing a 40 quid bet on an outsider!
The Blue Moon is still on the market.
Still no idea what's happening to the Italian Restaurant / Pizzeria next door.
Met the new(ish) owner of the Drunken Duck. He's from Norway and is, if I recall correctly, called Ruge.
Metro Apartments: we've just been repairing the canopy out front which had been leaking. A new invention called a gutter will also stop the rainwater dripping at precisely that point where you walk in! We've also been changing several electric breakers in the rooms - remarkable that even though they are made in Korea or Japan, if they stop functioning after two - yes two - weeks, there's no return/replace/repair policy. It's a case of 'you buys it you takes your chances'. I suppose it's no worse than placing a 40 quid bet on an outsider!
Trivia - 1
Thanks MD. This has been around before but worth a go again. As with most explanations, some are a bit dubious but as no one's life depends on the accuracy .......
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only..Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S . Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only..Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S . Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
Lighten Up 67! Banker's Wisdom!
Thanks CmcG.
One afternoon an investment banker was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the banker said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the banker replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated,
"You come with us, also."The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the banker answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the banker and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The banker replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."
One afternoon an investment banker was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the banker said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the banker replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated,
"You come with us, also."The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the banker answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the banker and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The banker replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."
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