I called by Legends Sports Bar which is just off Soi 33 on Thursday evening. It used to be owned by Phil from TSBA but is now run by Keith. Anyway, neither were about so I had a few jars and went off.
Venue number 2 was Napoleon Club and although they had a happy hour - there wasn't a soul in it except for me. I am not overly surprised as I had read elsewhere about rising prices in this area. Fact: beer 100 Baht in happy hour and then 160. Spirits about the same. B/F a whopping 1,700!! No wonder it was empty.
Following this I called by Powelley's which is a single unit on the right as you head towards Sukhumvit - roughly opposite Renoir. The place was actually doing ok which is not surprising as Steve is a nice bloke with a friendly word for all.
At this point I called it an (early) night and headed for my pit only to be stalked and followed by some short-of-funds ladyboy! With a few stern words I did manage to shake / scare him off and retired to my room to contemplate the evening. From a soi with some good. clean bars in it, the soi has now become much too pricey unless the rest of your trip is on the company's tab!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Music Missing?
If you're wondering where the music has gone - well, I've removed it! I noticed it wasn't playing any time I checked. Then I went into the playlist website and spotted that 'due to licensing restrictions' some or all of the songs might not be playable. In this case - read 'all'. So, it's gone. I will find a different solution soon.
When I'm at it. If you have noticed that the Sudoku game is always the same when entering the blog just click for a new game and it will appear! Hope this post correctly as blogger has gone to sleep!
When I'm at it. If you have noticed that the Sudoku game is always the same when entering the blog just click for a new game and it will appear! Hope this post correctly as blogger has gone to sleep!
Any Expertise Out There?
I have been contemplating purchasing one of these for relaying information. I know that I can get them in Pattaya and Bangkok. I am considering a multi-line unit which is for inside the window. Before I part with money for one here and then find out something later - I am asking now if any of you good lads out there have experience with these things and can warn me about the pitfalls when purchasing. E.g. How reliable are they? What's the easiest method to 'feed' the information? Is there a point where they are too expensive for what they deliver as in number of lines or number of characters or rate of flow of information? Approximate cost in West. And so on and so on....
Any information would be greatly appreciated.
Any information would be greatly appreciated.
From Northern Ireland? - A bit of Advice.
I have been meaning to post about this for a while now but it kept slipping my mind. Basically, if you are coming to Thailand from Northern Ireland DON'T bring local banknotes with you. Most banks here do not know what they are and some money changers (legal or otherwise), who do know what they are, will offer you around 35 baht per unit for them. The exchange rate for Bank of England notes is low enough at around 54/55 these days but 35! As of now, I do not know of a bank in Pattaya or Bangkok for that matter that will change them at a fair rate.
Either get your bank to obtain Bank of England notes or buy traveller's cheques. Erroneously, some people have been told that I take them - I don't as I'm not a registered money-changer, I don't travel to N.I. that often and I'm not going to start ripping people off.
Either get your bank to obtain Bank of England notes or buy traveller's cheques. Erroneously, some people have been told that I take them - I don't as I'm not a registered money-changer, I don't travel to N.I. that often and I'm not going to start ripping people off.
Bangkok in August 2009
I have been in Bangkok for a few days and while the first day and a bit was spent snoozing and loafing around I've now been out for a spot of food and a general look around.
There seem to be more tourists about than in May / June but not exactly elbow to elbow. Walking along Soi Nana it was noticeable that the Golden Bar outside Nana Hotel was empty by its usual standards. It was a similar case with Big Dogz.
Further along Hanrahan's Irish Pub was almost empty - and it's a biggish place.
Finnegan's Irish Pub which is a single unit was a bit busier but nothing to get excited about. Over a beer I watched the NEC staff leave as the bars closed and the ratio of bar staff to customers was staggering! There had to be 10-15 bar staff for every tourist. A lass told me at one place that things were very quiet by NEC standards and had been for some time.
On Tuesday night I had a late bite in the old Dynasty and was the only soul there around 1 a.m. which was almost eerie. I don't think I have ever seen so few people there - and there were none outside sipping one for the road. Even on Wednesday afternoon during the 'happy hour' there were much fewer having a jar than used to be the case.
A short trip to Chidlom on the Skytrain on Wednesday afternoon: lots of people on the train and lots of people milling about the Central Department Store but not a lot of commercial activity. I got what I wanted to buy in Marks & Sparks and was pleasantly surprised with the available discounts - 15, 30 and even 50% depending on the goods and how old the range was. Several floors below there were lots of discounts on perfumes and eau de toilette products. Some of these are continuing until later in the year.
One most unusual remark: there are fewer hawkers peddling their goods around Soi Nana. I put this down to a lack of customers. I suspect that, just as in Pattaya, they have gone back up country for a few months as it's cheaper to live there and there's no point in paying rent for a place to stay if you're not making enough money.
As for accommodation - rates haven't come down since earlier in the summer. Occupancy rates are still pretty much in the doldrums. Some of the 'bargain' offers are to be found in the up-market hotels but can best be described as a pleasant surprise rather than something that would entice you to changing your accommodation. However, a few pretty ordinary bars where they were charging 105 for a Heineken are now asking for 95 - not what usually happens I know. The staff are, however, faster than ever asking for a drink - a practice which doesn't encourage many people to do so or stay put!
For the night owls: closing time for the bars is currently 2 a.m. The usual stalls are operating along the Sukhumvit Rd area when you come out of Soi Nana or Soi 5 and 7. They sell Thai food and a decent range of liquor. Prices vary - some are expensive given that you're sitting on a plastic stool more fitted to kindergarten and some of the operators assume you don't know the price or that you are pissed. Additionally, you have to run the gauntlet of ladies of the third category as they pass by on their way home or on to a club, perhaps?
Instead of the Jehovah's witnesses which I have sometimes spotted outside NEC, there is an ever-growing number of ladyboys. They don't appear to be aggressive but they definitely have staying-power. They spend the entire evening there until they score. Failing that they venture further afield after 2 a.m.
For those heading this way soon, the 'rainy season' isn't worth talking about neither in Pattaya nor Bangkok. There's the very occasional shower but you don't get rained-in anywhere. Now, having said that, it will probably pour it down for the next couple of weeks!
One more day to do a bit of looking around and then it's off to Pattaya again - for an, err, exciting weekend!
There seem to be more tourists about than in May / June but not exactly elbow to elbow. Walking along Soi Nana it was noticeable that the Golden Bar outside Nana Hotel was empty by its usual standards. It was a similar case with Big Dogz.
Further along Hanrahan's Irish Pub was almost empty - and it's a biggish place.
Finnegan's Irish Pub which is a single unit was a bit busier but nothing to get excited about. Over a beer I watched the NEC staff leave as the bars closed and the ratio of bar staff to customers was staggering! There had to be 10-15 bar staff for every tourist. A lass told me at one place that things were very quiet by NEC standards and had been for some time.
On Tuesday night I had a late bite in the old Dynasty and was the only soul there around 1 a.m. which was almost eerie. I don't think I have ever seen so few people there - and there were none outside sipping one for the road. Even on Wednesday afternoon during the 'happy hour' there were much fewer having a jar than used to be the case.
A short trip to Chidlom on the Skytrain on Wednesday afternoon: lots of people on the train and lots of people milling about the Central Department Store but not a lot of commercial activity. I got what I wanted to buy in Marks & Sparks and was pleasantly surprised with the available discounts - 15, 30 and even 50% depending on the goods and how old the range was. Several floors below there were lots of discounts on perfumes and eau de toilette products. Some of these are continuing until later in the year.
One most unusual remark: there are fewer hawkers peddling their goods around Soi Nana. I put this down to a lack of customers. I suspect that, just as in Pattaya, they have gone back up country for a few months as it's cheaper to live there and there's no point in paying rent for a place to stay if you're not making enough money.
As for accommodation - rates haven't come down since earlier in the summer. Occupancy rates are still pretty much in the doldrums. Some of the 'bargain' offers are to be found in the up-market hotels but can best be described as a pleasant surprise rather than something that would entice you to changing your accommodation. However, a few pretty ordinary bars where they were charging 105 for a Heineken are now asking for 95 - not what usually happens I know. The staff are, however, faster than ever asking for a drink - a practice which doesn't encourage many people to do so or stay put!
For the night owls: closing time for the bars is currently 2 a.m. The usual stalls are operating along the Sukhumvit Rd area when you come out of Soi Nana or Soi 5 and 7. They sell Thai food and a decent range of liquor. Prices vary - some are expensive given that you're sitting on a plastic stool more fitted to kindergarten and some of the operators assume you don't know the price or that you are pissed. Additionally, you have to run the gauntlet of ladies of the third category as they pass by on their way home or on to a club, perhaps?
Instead of the Jehovah's witnesses which I have sometimes spotted outside NEC, there is an ever-growing number of ladyboys. They don't appear to be aggressive but they definitely have staying-power. They spend the entire evening there until they score. Failing that they venture further afield after 2 a.m.
For those heading this way soon, the 'rainy season' isn't worth talking about neither in Pattaya nor Bangkok. There's the very occasional shower but you don't get rained-in anywhere. Now, having said that, it will probably pour it down for the next couple of weeks!
One more day to do a bit of looking around and then it's off to Pattaya again - for an, err, exciting weekend!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Kilkenny Sold!
Apparently the Kilkenny Guesthouse has been sold to a purchaqser from Oz. The numbers of Irish owned is declining and the number of Australian owned is rising. Can't be a bad thing to have an international mix, can it?
The Good Ole Days!
Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !
'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis , set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card.
My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 18.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.
I never had a telephone in my room.The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend :
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
Older Than Dirt Quiz :
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.
1. Candy cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV
and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3
channels [if you were fortunate])
7. Peashooters
8. Howdy Doody
9. 45 RPM records
10. Hi-fi's
11. Metal ice trays with lever
12. Blue flashbulb
13. Cork popguns
14. Studebakers
15. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 11-15 =You're older than dirt!
I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.
Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends....
Lighten Up 99! - Not all over 70s are senile!
NOT SENILE
An elderly, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.
He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only £40,000," he said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque clears. I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said.
On Monday morning, the jeweller 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend....!"
An elderly, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.
He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only £40,000," he said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque clears. I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said.
On Monday morning, the jeweller 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend....!"
Summer Classes for Women
Summer Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
Tuesday June 21, 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
Tuesday June 21, 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Reply to Marriage Proposal in India
THIS IS REAL FUNNY - ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA.
RESPONSE TO A 'MARRIAGE PROPOSALS' ADVERTISEMENT!
MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN PUNJABI ENGLISH (DON'T LAUGH; DEAD SERIOUS)
Madam :
I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore . Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.
I am a soiled son from inside Punjab . I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.
I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.
I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only.
What to do ? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday... That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and my things into your hand.
If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.. fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim.
If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.
I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.
Expecting soon
Yours and only yours
Choudhary Warraich, born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab
RESPONSE TO A 'MARRIAGE PROPOSALS' ADVERTISEMENT!
MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN PUNJABI ENGLISH (DON'T LAUGH; DEAD SERIOUS)
Madam :
I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore . Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.
I am a soiled son from inside Punjab . I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.
I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.
I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only.
What to do ? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday... That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and my things into your hand.
If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.. fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim.
If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.
I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.
Expecting soon
Yours and only yours
Choudhary Warraich, born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab
Lighten Up 98! - Advice
Dear Mr. Advice,
I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them. I try to stay awake and watch for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her.
Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls. When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3-wood. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I bought it?
I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them. I try to stay awake and watch for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her.
Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls. When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3-wood. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I bought it?
Scammer!
TRUE STORY:
Outside Bristol Zoo there is a car park for 150 cars and 8 coaches.
There used to be a very pleasant parking attendant at the Bristol Zoo with a ticket machine charging cars £1 and coaches £5.
This parking attendant worked there for all of 25 years, then one day just Didn't turn up for work...
"Ho hum", said Bristol Zoo Management - "better phone up the City Council And get them to send a new parking attendant" ......
"Err no", said the Council, "that car park is your responsibility"
"Err no", said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?" .....
"Err NO!"
Sitting in his villa in Spain is a bloke who had been taking daily the car Park fees amounting to an estimated £400 per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years.
YES, I've done the sums = 3,650,000 Pounds.
Outside Bristol Zoo there is a car park for 150 cars and 8 coaches.
There used to be a very pleasant parking attendant at the Bristol Zoo with a ticket machine charging cars £1 and coaches £5.
This parking attendant worked there for all of 25 years, then one day just Didn't turn up for work...
"Ho hum", said Bristol Zoo Management - "better phone up the City Council And get them to send a new parking attendant" ......
"Err no", said the Council, "that car park is your responsibility"
"Err no", said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?" .....
"Err NO!"
Sitting in his villa in Spain is a bloke who had been taking daily the car Park fees amounting to an estimated £400 per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years.
YES, I've done the sums = 3,650,000 Pounds.
Lighten Up 97! - The Brilliance of Aussie Rules Footballers
'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
(Shane Wakelin).
'Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
(Mick Malthouse - Collingwood).
'I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.'
(Peter Bell - Fremantle - on his University Law studies).
'You guys line up alphabetically by height.' and 'You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.'
(Barry Hall Sydney Captain at training).
'I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.'
Brock Maclean (Melbourne) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt:
'He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.'
(Kevin Sheedy on James Hird).
'It's basically the same, just darker.'
Jonathan Brown, on night Grand Finals vs. Day Games
'I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Barass, I don't know and I don't care.'
Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton
'I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first.'
Barry Hall (Sydney) when asked about the upcoming season:
'Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago'
(Dermott Brereton).
' Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator.'
(Mark Williams).
'We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored.'
(Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles).
'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.'
(Luke Darcy).
'That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical.'
(Dermott Brereton).
'Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious.'
(Adrian Anderson).
'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
(Andrew Demetriou).
'I would not say he (Chris Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL but there are none better.'
(Dermott Brereton).
'I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.'
(Terry Wallace).
Garry Lyon: ' Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?'
David Swartz: 'On what?'
'Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.'
(Dermott Brereton).
'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.'
(Dermott Brereton).
(Shane Wakelin).
'Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
(Mick Malthouse - Collingwood).
'I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.'
(Peter Bell - Fremantle - on his University Law studies).
'You guys line up alphabetically by height.' and 'You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.'
(Barry Hall Sydney Captain at training).
'I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.'
Brock Maclean (Melbourne) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt:
'He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.'
(Kevin Sheedy on James Hird).
'It's basically the same, just darker.'
Jonathan Brown, on night Grand Finals vs. Day Games
'I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Barass, I don't know and I don't care.'
Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton
'I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first.'
Barry Hall (Sydney) when asked about the upcoming season:
'Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago'
(Dermott Brereton).
' Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator.'
(Mark Williams).
'We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored.'
(Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles).
'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.'
(Luke Darcy).
'That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical.'
(Dermott Brereton).
'Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious.'
(Adrian Anderson).
'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
(Andrew Demetriou).
'I would not say he (Chris Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL but there are none better.'
(Dermott Brereton).
'I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.'
(Terry Wallace).
Garry Lyon: ' Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?'
David Swartz: 'On what?'
'Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.'
(Dermott Brereton).
'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.'
(Dermott Brereton).
Lighten Up 96! - Resignation Letter
"This is a letter of resignation from an employee at ******* Computers, USA, to his boss. His boss apparently resigned very soon afterwards!"
Dear Mr XXXXXX,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel.
After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every
little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as
effective as telling you what an IP is.
Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping
their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.
Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not
usually viewed favourably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure
you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please. I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00am tomorrow.
One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Sincerely
Dear Mr XXXXXX,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel.
After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every
little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as
effective as telling you what an IP is.
Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping
their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.
Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not
usually viewed favourably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure
you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please. I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00am tomorrow.
One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Sincerely
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Lighten Up 95! - Free Sex
A petrol station owner in downtown Perth was trying to increase his sales.
So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'
Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close.
The number was 7. Sorry.. No sex this time.'
A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another
fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy,
'I think that game is rigged and ! he doesn't really give away free sex.'
Paddy replied, 'No it ain't, Mick. It's not rigged at all at all.
My wife won twice last week.'
So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'
Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close.
The number was 7. Sorry.. No sex this time.'
A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another
fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy,
'I think that game is rigged and ! he doesn't really give away free sex.'
Paddy replied, 'No it ain't, Mick. It's not rigged at all at all.
My wife won twice last week.'
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Soi LK Metro - August
First, apologies for an absence of posts including photos from Anna's birthday. I haven't had time but will do so soon.
The Soi like most of Pattaya isn't exactly overrun with people but there are still some regulars around. As is the case with a lot of Pattaya venues, some do ok and others struggle every day.
Some places in the street are up for grabs and Eddie in ICE is going to try and re-launch again later in the season.
Recently we've had a few guests staying with us on their birthday and had an opportunity to get them a small surprise birthday cake. Photos of this also to follow.
Although the golf courses have been offering some good deals there seems to be a drop on the number of aspiring or failed Tigers around. The crunch is hitting all it appears.
Around the corner work is on-going on the former Diana Millennium along Soi Boukhao. Plenty of time as they say.
In Metro Apartments we have noticed a slight drop off in low season bookings but all in all it's not as bad as feared.
In Soi Lengkee Juice Restaurant is still on the market but with a lower asking price.
Apart from that there is little happening in what is a lower-than-usual low season.
The Soi like most of Pattaya isn't exactly overrun with people but there are still some regulars around. As is the case with a lot of Pattaya venues, some do ok and others struggle every day.
Some places in the street are up for grabs and Eddie in ICE is going to try and re-launch again later in the season.
Recently we've had a few guests staying with us on their birthday and had an opportunity to get them a small surprise birthday cake. Photos of this also to follow.
Although the golf courses have been offering some good deals there seems to be a drop on the number of aspiring or failed Tigers around. The crunch is hitting all it appears.
Around the corner work is on-going on the former Diana Millennium along Soi Boukhao. Plenty of time as they say.
In Metro Apartments we have noticed a slight drop off in low season bookings but all in all it's not as bad as feared.
In Soi Lengkee Juice Restaurant is still on the market but with a lower asking price.
Apart from that there is little happening in what is a lower-than-usual low season.
Lighten Up - 94! Rambling Rose
Oh what a tangled language English is
And how easy it is to misconstrue…
A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go on to a show.
The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says 'I have had a lovely time.
You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful rambling rose. May I call on you tomorrow?'
She agrees and a date is made.
The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face.
He is stunned. 'What was that for?' he asked.
She said 'I looked up rambling rose in the encyclopaedia last night and it said 'Not well suited to bedding but is excellent for rooting up against a garden wall'.
And how easy it is to misconstrue…
A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go on to a show.
The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says 'I have had a lovely time.
You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful rambling rose. May I call on you tomorrow?'
She agrees and a date is made.
The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face.
He is stunned. 'What was that for?' he asked.
She said 'I looked up rambling rose in the encyclopaedia last night and it said 'Not well suited to bedding but is excellent for rooting up against a garden wall'.
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