Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began? Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.
The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, 'Who is that man going into the barn?'
'That fellow is traveling through,' said the farmer, 'needs a place to stay for the night, so I told him he could sleep in the barn.' The daughter said, 'Perhaps he is hungry.' So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.
About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went. The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.
The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. 'How could he leave without even saying good-bye,' she cried. 'We made such passionate love last night!'
'What?' shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him, 'I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!'
The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....
'LAIDTHEOLADEETOO'
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Lighten Up! - 117 -The World's Shortest Books
BLACKS I'VE MET WHILE YACHTING by Tiger Woods
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan. Illustrated by Michael Moore
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson &Rev Al Sharpton
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J.. Kevorkian
ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE ..... by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES by Ted Kennedy
BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by Rev. Jesse Jackson
COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE OF MILITARY STRATEGY! by Nancy Pelosi
Lighten Up! - 116 - A true Scot
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Lighten Up! - 115 - Adice from a retired husband.
ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND:
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Susie. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Susie to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
;
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Susie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
Signed,
RON
EDITOR'S NOTE:
Ron died suddenly on February 7 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Susie was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Susie. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Susie to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
;
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Susie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
Signed,
RON
EDITOR'S NOTE:
Ron died suddenly on February 7 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Susie was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Sports - A rare comment
I have avoided commenting on sports here from the beginning. It's a bit boring after all - you read so many daft comments on Yahoo! Sports pages. Having said that, I am going to allow myself a moan:
Whilst the Anelka goal against ROI in Dublin was a rub of the green as Given was helpless to cover the deflection, the Henry 'assist' tonight was a downright case of theft. As a (former) admirer of Henry I was disappointed to say the least. FIFA has got France through to South Africa (although their late decision to seed the playoffs didn't work for Russia) but FIFA are not doing themselves nor the game any favours. UEFA - and yes I am talking about smoke-filled rooms like it was with heavyweight boxing decades ago - made sure there was not a second, consecutive Man Utd - Chelsea Champions League final in May and in similar fashion if the French couldn't do it on their own - the FIFA big boys would help if the French could conjure up half a chance. Blatter and his up-coming successor (a French man) HAD to make sure the French qualified.
Job done, Messieurs, but you should hang your heads in shame.
Moan over.
Whilst the Anelka goal against ROI in Dublin was a rub of the green as Given was helpless to cover the deflection, the Henry 'assist' tonight was a downright case of theft. As a (former) admirer of Henry I was disappointed to say the least. FIFA has got France through to South Africa (although their late decision to seed the playoffs didn't work for Russia) but FIFA are not doing themselves nor the game any favours. UEFA - and yes I am talking about smoke-filled rooms like it was with heavyweight boxing decades ago - made sure there was not a second, consecutive Man Utd - Chelsea Champions League final in May and in similar fashion if the French couldn't do it on their own - the FIFA big boys would help if the French could conjure up half a chance. Blatter and his up-coming successor (a French man) HAD to make sure the French qualified.
Job done, Messieurs, but you should hang your heads in shame.
Moan over.
Soi LK Metro - November News
The former Curries (Indian Restaurant) as reported here before has now been sold.
It will open in a few days as Kebab King - run by a bloke called Alan I believe.
More as and when I know.
It will open in a few days as Kebab King - run by a bloke called Alan I believe.
More as and when I know.
Lighten Up! - 114 - Confession
An oldie but a goodie...
AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Time Machine!
Barak Obama and Gordon Brown are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. The both decide to test it by asking a question each. Barak goes first
"What will the USA be like in 100 years time"
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out "The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is non-existant, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries"
Gordon thinks "Its not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks "What will Great Britain be like in 100 years time?"
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout.
But he just stares at it.
"Come on Gordon" says Barak, "What does it say"
Gordon replies.
"I can't tell ! Its all in Arabic!"
"What will the USA be like in 100 years time"
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out "The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is non-existant, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries"
Gordon thinks "Its not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks "What will Great Britain be like in 100 years time?"
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout.
But he just stares at it.
"Come on Gordon" says Barak, "What does it say"
Gordon replies.
"I can't tell ! Its all in Arabic!"
"TANJOOBERRYMUTTS".
By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS". . . and be ready for Thailand
In order to continue getting-by in Thailand, we need to learn English the way it is spoken. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS".
With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes. . .
The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and room-service today. . . . . .
Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees.
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service. "
Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees. . . morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh. . . . . Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs. "
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"
Guest: ". . . . . What??"
Room Service: "Ow ulai den?!?. . . Pryed, boyud, pochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. . Scrambled, please. "
Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken ? Creepse?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine. "
Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. ulai sahn toes?"
Guest: "I. . . . Don't think so. . "
RoomService: "No? Udo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means. "
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!. . . Why Uoo don wan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we botter?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'. . .
Fine. . . Yes, an English muffin will be fine. "
RoomService: "We botter?"
Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side. "
RoomService: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter. . . Just put the butter on the side. "
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
RoomService: "Copy. . . tea. . meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please. . . And that's everything. "
RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken , Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh and copy . . . Rye ??"
Guest: "Whatever you say. "
RoomService: "Tanjooberrymutts. "
Guest: "You're welcome"
Monday, November 16, 2009
Out and About LK Metro News
Word has it that Mickey Malone's has been sold.
Zottekot is for sale.
Preeda House is for sale.
No further details yet on the new owner of Malone's.
In the little soi between 7-11 and Rich's Bar on Boukhao opposite Sawadee hotel, there is a new Go-Go called Baby Boom A Go Go. It opened on 15th and there is also an open-air bar next door belonging to the same owners - a nice Thai couple.
Best wishes to them - I think it will do ok. Mosey over there for a peep next time you're in town.
Otherwise there is nothing else to report just now. Will get back on here soon. If Lars reads this, please email me.
Zottekot is for sale.
Preeda House is for sale.
No further details yet on the new owner of Malone's.
In the little soi between 7-11 and Rich's Bar on Boukhao opposite Sawadee hotel, there is a new Go-Go called Baby Boom A Go Go. It opened on 15th and there is also an open-air bar next door belonging to the same owners - a nice Thai couple.
Best wishes to them - I think it will do ok. Mosey over there for a peep next time you're in town.
Otherwise there is nothing else to report just now. Will get back on here soon. If Lars reads this, please email me.
Life in the Australian Army!
Life in the Australian Army...
Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland )
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the station - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody horses to get in, no calves to feed, no troughs to clean - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!
At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or goanna stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the bullock paddock!!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody dingo's arse and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!
Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.
I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.
Your loving daughter,
Sheila
Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland )
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the station - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody horses to get in, no calves to feed, no troughs to clean - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!
At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or goanna stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the bullock paddock!!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody dingo's arse and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!
Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.
I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.
Your loving daughter,
Sheila
Read the previous post through the link first - dopey!!!
Ok, but it is still funny!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8359004.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8359004.stm
French - Irish Diplomacy!!
Please follow the link if you want a good laugh - even if you are French!!
http://irishsoccerinsider.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/french-and-irish-fall-out-over-box-incident/
Funny even if not true!
http://irishsoccerinsider.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/french-and-irish-fall-out-over-box-incident/
Funny even if not true!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Lighten Up! -113 - The Stockman
An old Australian stockman sat down in a city McDonald's and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the stockman and asked, 'Are you a real stockman?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking-in horse, droving cattle, riding in rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, marking and branding calves, cleaning hay sheds, fixing flats, working on tractors and feeding my dogs, so, yeah, I guess I am a stockman.'
She said, well I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old stockman and asked, 'Are you a real stockman, like, from the outback?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
She turned to the stockman and asked, 'Are you a real stockman?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking-in horse, droving cattle, riding in rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, marking and branding calves, cleaning hay sheds, fixing flats, working on tractors and feeding my dogs, so, yeah, I guess I am a stockman.'
She said, well I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old stockman and asked, 'Are you a real stockman, like, from the outback?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Lighten Up! -112 -Army Recruits
Just had to post this!
New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB....
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real stretch.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't
figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
***How about recruiting Women over 50 ....with PMS !!! You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my Lord!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!
Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so they can read it.
(but not me..excuse me, I have to go and pee..)
New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB....
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real stretch.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't
figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
***How about recruiting Women over 50 ....with PMS !!! You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my Lord!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!
Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so they can read it.
(but not me..excuse me, I have to go and pee..)
Monday, November 9, 2009
Email Scams, hoaxes or not 2?
This and the post below deserve your attention. If ever you have questions about hoaxes or not when you receive emails I suggest you check with hoax-slayer. The link below refers to the 'Shipping Address Error' email which seems to be very active at the moment.
Link:
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/shipping-address-error-trojan.shtml
Beware of the emails you receive unsolicited!
Link:
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/shipping-address-error-trojan.shtml
Beware of the emails you receive unsolicited!
Email Scams, hoaxes or not?
Like a lot of you I get quite a lot of emails, many well-intentioned, covering all sorts of events, pleas and so on. I do not believe in chain letters and tend to delete except on rare occasions. Recently, I have received several copies of the same email regarding identifying someone who may have had a stroke. Below I am quoting from the website:
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/identify-stroke.html
where you can also go to check out the truth of other emails you might receive. The reason for quoting from hoax-slayer is that they identify why even when an email may be 'correct', it can be misleading.
Status:
True
Example:(Submitted, April 2005)
The procedure for identifying a stroke that is outlined in this email forward is valid. According to information available on the American Stroke Association's website, the three questions outlined in the email are a medically viable method for a layperson to ascertain if a person is presenting with stroke symptoms.
The procedure was originally outlined in a report to the American Stroke Association's 28th International Stroke Conference. The report states that a bystander may be able to spot someone having a stroke by giving the person a simple, quick test to see if they can smile, raise both arms and keep them up, and speak a simple sentence coherently...
Certainly, the core information in the email is worth heeding. Knowing how to conduct this simple test could indeed save a person's life. The aforementioned report explains that if bystanders can relay results of this test to an emergency dispatcher, it could speed treatment to stroke patients. Time is crucial in treating stroke.
America's National Stroke Association lists the following as common symptoms of stroke:
However, there is an important point that needs to be considered. While the central information in the email is true, the absence of these symptoms does not necessarily indicate that a person is NOT having a stroke. It could be extremely dangerous to reach the conclusion that a person did not require medical attention just because he or she could successfully carry out the three steps outlined in the test. A site visitor relates the following real life experience, which graphically illustrates this potential danger:
In any case, such embellishments are completely unnecessary and detract from the underlying message. A problem with email forwards is that the core information tends to become garbled or diluted as various individuals decide to add to or modify the message as it travels through cyberspace. For example, the current version implies that stumbling is potentially a key element in diagnosing a stroke. However, there is nothing about stumbling mentioned in the Stroke Association report. Although the NSA does identify loss of balance and difficulty walking as potential stroke symptoms, stumbling alone is hardly a valid indicator of an impending stroke.
This unfortunate tendency for messages to mutate as they travel means that it may not always be a good idea to pass on even those rare email forwards that contain factual and verifiable information. Also, as explained above, the misuse of such information due to false assumptions or lack of understanding can have dangerous repercussions. If you do decide to forward this email, I would suggest that you first remove the superfluous information it contains. Secondly, include a warning about the danger of not seeking medical attention just because a person can successfully perform the three steps. Thirdly, I think it would also be a good idea to add a link to the original source so that recipients can check the information for themselves. The link to the American Stroke Association report is included below:
http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3008841
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/identify-stroke.html
where you can also go to check out the truth of other emails you might receive. The reason for quoting from hoax-slayer is that they identify why even when an email may be 'correct', it can be misleading.
Status:
True
Example:(Submitted, April 2005)
Subject: Is it a stroke?
A true story -
Susie is recouping at an incredible pace for someone with a massive stroke - all because Sherry saw Susie stumble - -that is the key that isn't mentioned below - and then she asked Susie the 3 questions. So simple - - this literally saved Susie's life - - I received this very same e-mail the week Susie had her stroke. Some angel sent it to me and I did just what it said to do. She failed all three and I did call 911. Even though she had normal blood pressure readings and did not appear to be a stroke as she could converse to some extent with the Paramedics they took her to the hospital right away.
I thank God for the sense to remember the 3 steps!
Read and Learn!
SOMETHING WE ALL NEED TO KNOW, IS IT A STROKE? Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
*Ask the individual to SMILE.
*Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
*Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE.
If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
After discovering that a group of non medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions.
They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people, you can bet that at least one life will be saved.
BE A FRIEND AND SHARE THIS ARTICLE WITH AS MANY FRIENDS AS POSSIBLE.
It could save their lives!
Commentary:
A true story -
Susie is recouping at an incredible pace for someone with a massive stroke - all because Sherry saw Susie stumble - -that is the key that isn't mentioned below - and then she asked Susie the 3 questions. So simple - - this literally saved Susie's life - - I received this very same e-mail the week Susie had her stroke. Some angel sent it to me and I did just what it said to do. She failed all three and I did call 911. Even though she had normal blood pressure readings and did not appear to be a stroke as she could converse to some extent with the Paramedics they took her to the hospital right away.
I thank God for the sense to remember the 3 steps!
Read and Learn!
SOMETHING WE ALL NEED TO KNOW, IS IT A STROKE? Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
*Ask the individual to SMILE.
*Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
*Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE.
If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
After discovering that a group of non medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions.
They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people, you can bet that at least one life will be saved.
BE A FRIEND AND SHARE THIS ARTICLE WITH AS MANY FRIENDS AS POSSIBLE.
It could save their lives!
Commentary:
The procedure was originally outlined in a report to the American Stroke Association's 28th International Stroke Conference. The report states that a bystander may be able to spot someone having a stroke by giving the person a simple, quick test to see if they can smile, raise both arms and keep them up, and speak a simple sentence coherently...
Certainly, the core information in the email is worth heeding. Knowing how to conduct this simple test could indeed save a person's life. The aforementioned report explains that if bystanders can relay results of this test to an emergency dispatcher, it could speed treatment to stroke patients. Time is crucial in treating stroke.
America's National Stroke Association lists the following as common symptoms of stroke:
- Sudden numbness or weakness of face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body
- Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding
- Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes
- Sudden trouble walking, dizziness,
- loss of balance or coordination
- Sudden severe headache with no known cause
However, there is an important point that needs to be considered. While the central information in the email is true, the absence of these symptoms does not necessarily indicate that a person is NOT having a stroke. It could be extremely dangerous to reach the conclusion that a person did not require medical attention just because he or she could successfully carry out the three steps outlined in the test. A site visitor relates the following real life experience, which graphically illustrates this potential danger:
My mother-in-law suffered a stroke this morning. I had just told her last week about the three simple tests for identifying someone who might be having a stroke (which I received via e-mail). She was having difficulty walking and had a little numbness on one side of her face but she was able to smile, lift her hands above her head and speak in coherent sentences. Thus, she concluded that she was not having a stroke and delayed seeing her doctor. The three simple tests certainly could help a bystander identify someone who might be having a stroke but the absence of these symptoms doesn't mean that a person is NOT having a stroke. I feel just awful that she delayed treatment because of what I told her and that she missed the window of opportunity to receive the thrombolytic (clot-busting) therapy. The damage is already done.Furthermore, it appears that someone has seen fit to embellish the story by adding a description of an alleged incident in which the diagnostic test was used to good effect. However, there is no way of telling if "Susie" and "Sherry" are real people or just fictional characters designed to emphasize the information and add a folksy element to the message. Interestingly, the sentence, "A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people, you can bet that at least one life will be saved" is lifted verbatim from a hoax email that outlines a dubious "cough CPR" procedure for heart attack victims. Notably, earlier versions of the email did not include the "Susie and Sherry" story.
In any case, such embellishments are completely unnecessary and detract from the underlying message. A problem with email forwards is that the core information tends to become garbled or diluted as various individuals decide to add to or modify the message as it travels through cyberspace. For example, the current version implies that stumbling is potentially a key element in diagnosing a stroke. However, there is nothing about stumbling mentioned in the Stroke Association report. Although the NSA does identify loss of balance and difficulty walking as potential stroke symptoms, stumbling alone is hardly a valid indicator of an impending stroke.
This unfortunate tendency for messages to mutate as they travel means that it may not always be a good idea to pass on even those rare email forwards that contain factual and verifiable information. Also, as explained above, the misuse of such information due to false assumptions or lack of understanding can have dangerous repercussions. If you do decide to forward this email, I would suggest that you first remove the superfluous information it contains. Secondly, include a warning about the danger of not seeking medical attention just because a person can successfully perform the three steps. Thirdly, I think it would also be a good idea to add a link to the original source so that recipients can check the information for themselves. The link to the American Stroke Association report is included below:
http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3008841
Write-up by Brett M.Christensen
Lighten Up! -111. -Wally's Wedding Night
At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more 'action.' Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.' And, once again they enjoy each other.
But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good
once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'
Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: .......'You mean I was here already?'
The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, senior moments have advantages!
Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more 'action.' Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.' And, once again they enjoy each other.
But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good
once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'
Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: .......'You mean I was here already?'
The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, senior moments have advantages!
Lighten Up! -110 -Post Office Blues.
An oldie but ...
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address or postcode. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is my birthday, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope..
Please help me?
Sincerely, Edna
The postal worker was touched. He show ed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
A few days later, another letter came addressed to God and in the same hand. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it might have been those robbing bastards at the post office.
Sincerely,
Lighten Up! -109 - Food Photos 3!!
Rain Gone! - Not quite yet.
Well, the rain has returned this past week - not a lot but nonetheless it has reared its ugly head again.
Apart from that there's nothing much to report. The Soi is pretty much as was some weeks back although there are a few more people in the town generally.
Places mentioned several posts back are still up for grabs as some people decide to call it a day.
In the not too distant future we are planning to re-arrange a few things in the bar and - while not intending or trying to pretend we are a restaurant there will be a selection of bar snacks available soon. Initially, we're talking about things like
tomato, chicken, minestrone soup n' toast
ham/cheese, tuna sandwiches (sandwich maker type) and also
grilled sandwiches with different toppings,
a selection of pies e.g. chicken/mushroom (or Cornish pasty) with gravy as well as
pork pies with Coleman's (or other) mustard.
'Plain' sandwiches e.g. chicken, ham, cheese and perhaps a
'Sunday' salad just like da mama used to make in Ireland i.e. lettuce, ham, tomato, hard-boiled egg, spring onion, beetroot with a few slices of bread n' butter.
As is the case now there will also be coffee and proper tea e.g. Tetley available. It's not a new idea, more or less a necessity as I need something myself at hand if I am to get solids with any regularity!
Apart from that there's nothing much to report. The Soi is pretty much as was some weeks back although there are a few more people in the town generally.
Places mentioned several posts back are still up for grabs as some people decide to call it a day.
In the not too distant future we are planning to re-arrange a few things in the bar and - while not intending or trying to pretend we are a restaurant there will be a selection of bar snacks available soon. Initially, we're talking about things like
tomato, chicken, minestrone soup n' toast
ham/cheese, tuna sandwiches (sandwich maker type) and also
grilled sandwiches with different toppings,
a selection of pies e.g. chicken/mushroom (or Cornish pasty) with gravy as well as
pork pies with Coleman's (or other) mustard.
'Plain' sandwiches e.g. chicken, ham, cheese and perhaps a
'Sunday' salad just like da mama used to make in Ireland i.e. lettuce, ham, tomato, hard-boiled egg, spring onion, beetroot with a few slices of bread n' butter.
As is the case now there will also be coffee and proper tea e.g. Tetley available. It's not a new idea, more or less a necessity as I need something myself at hand if I am to get solids with any regularity!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
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