Lighten Up 28!

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish.........................................49.
Adventurous..............................Slept with everyone.
Athletic.......................................No breasts.
Average looking.........................Moooo.
Beautiful....................................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure...................On medication.
Feminist.....................................Fat.
Free Spirit..................................Junkie.
Friendship first..........................Former Slut.
New-Age....................................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned........................... No B.J.'s
Open-minded............................Desperate.
Outgoing...................................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional..............................Bitch.
Voluptuous...............................Very fat.
Large frame..............................Hugely fat.
Wants soul mate......................Stalker.

SECTION 2 DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes............................................No
No.............................................Yes
Maybe.......................................No
We need...................................I want
I am sorry.................................You'll be sorry
We need to talk........................You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead.........................You better not
Do what you want....................You will pay for this later
I am not upset... ......................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight...........Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
I am hungry...........................I am hungry
I am sleepy.............................I am sleepy
I am tired...............................I am tired
Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!
I love you........ ......................Let's have sex now
I am bored.......................................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?....................I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?.................I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?.........I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?..........I'd like to have sex with you.

I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.