Soi LK Metro Update

Some time back (Post from November 17th) I mentioned the arrival of a tattoo shop on the Soi more or less opposite the Golf Club. Well, I am afraid it's closed again. Seems like the lads around here either aren't into tattoos or have their personal favourite artist.

As one business goes another one comes! Further up the street from Metro Apartments and before No Name restaurant/bar there is a new massage shop called Linda Massage. It opened a few weeks back but I am not up to speed how things are going (I haven't been watching it!).

Apart from these two snippets I am afraid that's all for now. I haven't been out and about for a few days - so bear with me!

Lighten Up 35!

A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said:
'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied:
'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The salary package is £200,000 a year'.

The scouser said:
'You're bullshitting me!'

The man behind the counter said:
'Well you started it!'

Tourism and Effects of The Economic Climate

I've had a couple of emails asking about the effects, if any, of the economic downturn on business. Although it's early days yet, very early days if you believe the projections of some 'experts', the effects are there to be seen.

Room occupancy is down about 5% which is bearable when compared to the large 4 and 5 star hotels and resorts and business hotels which have suffered much bigger drops in occupancy. The occupation of Government House had a slight effect last year on first-time tourists to the country deciding not to come here. The occupation of the two main airports had the effect of delaying the arrival of the more-determined, single man rather than causing him to cancel his trip entirely. Since then we have had at least two cancellations with either job loss or a drop in savings as the reasons being cited.

It some respects it is more interesting to note that when visitors do arrive, they spend the same as they were spending last year in their currency. Comparisons of room occupancy indicate a pretty consistent pattern in line with last year but spending on drinks and ladies has gone down in Baht terms. When you convert back to Sterling or AU$ or Euro it becomes obvious that customers who spent X amount last year are still spending X - which of course is buying them 10-25% less here than a year ago.

No customers are complaining about the cost of flights any longer as fuel surcharges have dropped considerably and fares for flights later in the year continue to drop. The single biggest gripe is the exchange rate with many comments about the artificially strong Baht. Be that as it may, for a traveller from UK irrespective of where he wants to travel, sterling has dropped against pretty much all major currencies, US$, AU$, Euro, Yen and so on as well as THB. Now while this could be a source of doom and gloom for businesses here, it isn't. Current visitors here point out that with the Sterling/Euro exchange rate so poor from a UK tourist's perspective it is actually cheaper to come to Thailand rather than save on the airfare and travel to Spain. Flights to Thailand have come down in price and the cost of modest accommodation has not gone up. Arriving in Spain cheaply but then suffering at an almost one-to-one rate is not the preferred option when 6 months ago it was an average 1.31 Euro to Sterling. At the same time Baht/Sterling averages were 69.85. True, the drop in rates is near-as makes no difference but Pattaya and it's Asian attractions and cosmopolitan community win hands down when compared to the Balearics and it's European err ladies .

Whilst there may not be as much money out there to be spent as before and while it may not stretch as far as before, quite a lot of people have concluded they are still getting better value for money here in Pattaya. Still - interesting times lie ahead!

Lighten Up 34!

Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car.

It later turned out to be a tax disc.

Central Festival - some photos

A few photos to give you an idea of what the place is like:

Lighten Up 33!

Thanks to a pal in UK for this one - at least George W was in some fine company but these guys didn't 'run' anywhere except on a pitch and didn't have a brother in Florida to help the count!

Anyway:

My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7. David Beckham

I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league. Mark Viduka

Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had. David Beckham

If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day. Neville Southall

I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable. Paul Gascoigne

I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well. Alan Shearer

I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona. Mark Draper

You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out. Peter Shilton

I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester. Stan Collymore

I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham . My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing. Ade Akinbiyi

Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match. Ian Wright

I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier. Ugo Ehiogu

Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough. Jonathan Woodgate

I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel. Stuart Pearce

I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right. Lee Hendrie

I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country. Ian Rush

Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today. Steve Lomas

I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock. Barry Venison

I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet. David Beckham

The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European. Phil Neville

All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed. Mitchell Thomas

One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best. Alan Shearer

I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd. Johnny Giles

Sometimes in football you have to score goals. Thierry Henry

Central Festival is Open

Quoting their brochure: "The Largest Beachfront Lifestyle Shopping Complex in Asia".
Over 111 metre wide frontage, 6 floors, car parking for 2,000 vehicles and 200 local and international stores; 7 banks, 10 cinemas and a 16-lane bowling alley. It is located between Sois 9 and 10 and runs the length of the soi from Beach Road to 2nd Road. Apart from the range of food available in 50+ outlets it strikes me as the ideal place for the fitness minded to go walking in an air-conditioned atmosphere!

While trekking around a shopping mall is not every one's idea of a couple of hours well spent (this is my attitude) I must admit that I was impressed with the place and will go back for another visit to see parts of it I had to leave out on my first visit. Additionally, as a cinema goer I will definitely pop around there fairly often.

In my opinion definitely worth a visit.

Cheap Flights

Following on from the previous article on this topic, a friend who lives in Oz, Gerry, has sent me an email in which he says Tiger Airways are now offering flights to Bangkok for as little as AU$404 return. He points out that this is in contrast to when he bought his ticket several months ago for AU$ 670.

Additionally I know from my sister-in-law that Thai Airways are offering Bangkok return for as little as EUR 499; Phuket EUR 542 and Samui EUR 557 from Germany. This is on thai-asien-reisen.de website.

Well, perhaps fares are beginning to drop at long last.

Visa Fee Waiver, Cheaper Flights?

About a week ago there were reports in the national newspapers stating that a number of measures were being proposed for approval by Cabinet in order to boost tourist numbers.

Several websites reported this and as recently as a few days ago the Thaivisa website had threads 'discussing' the reports on cheaper flights.

Well, it all seems to have evaporated like the morning mists. There is no longer any mention of it in the local press and no one is able to find cheaper flights on offer. But don't be surprised if the story does resurface in the next week or two and cheaper flights are on offer - probably only from abroad for inbound and not for flights originating in Thailand.

Irish Virus!

Thanks to some Australian friends for this one! Click image to enlarge.

Lighten Up 32!

MORE WORDS OF WISDOM? (from a friend in Australia).

David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Socrates
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Anonymous
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Anonymous
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Sam Kinison
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

James Holt McGavran
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.

Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henry Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.

Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): My wife's an angel!
Second Guy: You're lucky, mine's still alive.

Lighten Up 31!

A CHILD'S WISDOM.

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book,he noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'

The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'

The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren he doesn't wear his collar that way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said.'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,''Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.'

Reduction on Visa Fees?

Local media reports suggest that there will be a waiver on the visa fees for the next 6 months. A decision has not yet been made - see Nation article below - but it seems a positive outcome can be expected. The article from The Nation:

http://www.nationmultimedia.com/topstory/30093286/Waive-visa-fees,-cut-air-fares:-ministry

Perhaps a bit of good news for a change!!

The Humble Haggis

I don't mean to go on about the Scots but I stumbled upon several interesting things while browsing around Burns websites. For one thing, it is not for the weak-of-stomach when you see what is in the haggis let alone if you were to follow the cooking method!

Ingredients (according to scottishrecipes website):
1 sheep's stomach bag
1 sheep's pluck - liver, lungs and heart
3 onions
250g beef Suet
150g oatmeal
salt and black pepper
a pinch of cayenne
150mls of stock/gravy.

Cooking Directions:
1. Clean the stomach bag thoroughly and soak overnight. In the morning turn it inside out.
2. Wash the pluck and boil for 1.5 hours, ensuring the windpipe hangs over the pot allowing drainage of the impurities.
3. Mince the heart and lungs and grate half the liver.
4. Chop up the onions and suet.
5. Warm the oatmeal in the oven.
6. Mix all the above together and season with the salt and pepper. Then add the cayenne.
7. Pour over enough of the pluck boiled water to make the mixture watery.
8. Fill the bag with the mixture until it's half full.
9. Press out the air and sew the bag up.
10. Boil for 3 hours (you may need to prick the bag with a wee needle if it looks like blowing up!) without the lid on.
11. Serve with neeps and tatties.


Now I can only suppose that a lot of people don't really know what's in one or the sales of haggis would not be increasing as they are. Yes, dramatically increasing! It seems that because of the credit crunch, which has been making itself felt for several months now, the sales of haggis which is seen as a cheap meal have grown by between 25% - 35% in Scotland and England. Increases in demand are reported by M&S, Tesco, Asda and Sainsbury's. Aparently several renowned butchers north of the border from Edinburgh and Perthshire are cashing in as a result of the demand for the humble "Great Chieftain o' the Puddin' Race"!

Rabbie Burns

“O would that God the gift might give us, to see ourselves as others see us.”
Robert Burns (25.1.1759 – 21.7.1796)

As a fellow Celt it is only fitting that I should be aware that this year is the 250th anniversary of the birth of Robert Burns, Scotland's favourite bard.

As a commemorative gesture on this occasion in Metro Apartments Bar we will be offering 20 Baht off the regular price of all Scotch, all day for those wishing to celebrate Burns' birth. So come along with your mates and enjoy 'a wee dram'!

Sunday, 25th January is the date.

As they say in Scots Gaelic:

Òlamaid deoch-slàinte!

===========================

Some Scottish sayings (not from Burns):

May those who love us, love us.

And those who don't love us, May God turn their hearts;

And if He doesn't turn their hearts, May He turn their ankles,

So we will know them by their limping.
...............................................................................

May the roof above never fall in;

May we below never fall out.

................................................................................

May the Lord keep you in His hand, and never close His fist too tight on you!

Monkey Loses Tackle!

It seems there is a reward being offered if you can return some important accoutrements to several monkeys over South Pattaya way. While the daily temperatures have been around 26-28 C, with NNE winds of around 17kph the evening temperatures have dropped to around 15C. Now while this is a long way off the lows reached in UK and ROI in the last week or so, it is nonetheless bloody 'cold' for Pattaya.

In keeping with the local entrepreneurial spirit several DVD sellers have been seen lugging sweatshirts around these last couple of evenings. A couple of weeks ago it was fireworks for Christmas and New Year - now warm wear - you've got to admire their determination and flexibility!

According to a couple of weather sites we've looked at the coming week is going to remain 'parky' at night.

Lighten Up 30! - Tommy Cooper Jokes

Tommy Cooper Jokes - Best if you remember his delivery!

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.
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Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
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'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? Because he’s cross-eyed? '
'No, because he's really heavy'
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'Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.'
'Well you can't say fairer than that then'
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Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!
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So I went to the dentist.
He said 'Say Aaah.'
I said 'Why?'
He said 'My dog's died.'
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So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said 'You are.'
--------- ----------------------------------------------------
So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
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So I rang up a local building firm,
I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.'
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Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards.
I thought 'This is unusual’.
And the dentist said to me
'Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?'
I said 'Sure , you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other. 'Does this taste funny to you?'
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
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A man walked into the doctors,
The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'
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A man walked into the doctors,
he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
The doctor said, 'well don't go to those places'
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
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I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
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Two blonds walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have een it.
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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, ’No, the steaks are too high.'
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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
A strong currant pulled him in.
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A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, ’Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.
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I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.
They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your
kayak and heat it.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds
and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other ’Your round.'
The other one says 'So are you, you fat slob!'
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Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
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Lighten Up 29! - They walk among us

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge,he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read:
'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it.

Caution... They Walk Among Us!!

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted . . .
'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said . . . 'where???'

Caution...They Walk among us!!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said,
'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff.'

Caution...They Walk Among Us!!

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

Caution...They Walk Among Us!!

I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half kilogram sirloin. She informed me they only had an 500g sirloin. Not wanting to make a scene, I told her I would take the 500g steak instead of the half-kg.

Caution...They walk among us!!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the boot . . .

Caution...They Walk Among Us!!

My friends and I were on a Lager run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount . . .

Caution...They Walk Among Us!!

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned . . .

Caution...They Walk Among Us!!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'

Caution...They Walk Among Us!!

While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

Yep, they walk among us - not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!

Lighten Up 28!

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish.........................................49.
Adventurous..............................Slept with everyone.
Athletic.......................................No breasts.
Average looking.........................Moooo.
Beautiful....................................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure...................On medication.
Feminist.....................................Fat.
Free Spirit..................................Junkie.
Friendship first..........................Former Slut.
New-Age....................................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned........................... No B.J.'s
Open-minded............................Desperate.
Outgoing...................................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional..............................Bitch.
Voluptuous...............................Very fat.
Large frame..............................Hugely fat.
Wants soul mate......................Stalker.

SECTION 2 DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes............................................No
No.............................................Yes
Maybe.......................................No
We need...................................I want
I am sorry.................................You'll be sorry
We need to talk........................You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead.........................You better not
Do what you want....................You will pay for this later
I am not upset... ......................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight...........Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
I am hungry...........................I am hungry
I am sleepy.............................I am sleepy
I am tired...............................I am tired
Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!
I love you........ ......................Let's have sex now
I am bored.......................................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?....................I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?.................I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?.........I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?..........I'd like to have sex with you.

I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.

Soi LK Metro Developments

Linda's is the name of the new massage place just up the street from Metro Apartments. As far as I could see yesterday, it can only be a few days at most from opening. A brief glance at the window menu suggests it will offer foot, traditional and oil massage. Further news to follow on this.

Curries Indian Restaurant is still delayed with it's opening.

Andy from the Drunken Duck tells me that his place has changed hands. The new owner who apparently wants to create a restaurant on the ground floor is from Norway. Otherwise all else seems to be pretty much the same as before.

Happy New Year 2009!

All of us here at Metro Apartments would like to wish all friends, guests and regulars our very best wishes for 2009. At Metro we had a New Year's Eve party but - perhaps because of the effects of Christmas - no one seems to have taken any photos of the evening! Perhaps it's better that way!

With 2008 closed many places are reporting a disappointing year, especially the bigger, up-market hotels and places dependent on package deal customers. Overall we've been satisfied to retain positive indices compared to 2007.

There is a bit of uncertainty out there regarding 2009 but then there always is. We here will continue to do our best to maintain our friendly atmosphere and welcome you again as a friend in 2009.

Happy New Year!