Had to be a Scot!

This is not a story but a true incident that happened in USA according to the source it came from.


A Scottish man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Scotland on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan. The Scot handed over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out.

The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Scot for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later, the Scot returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow '$5,000' ?

The Scot replied: 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return!'

Lighten Up 15!

Paddy Murphy was sent on his way to Heaven. Upon his arrival, a concerned St Peter met Paddy at the Pearly Gates.

'I'm sorry Paddy' St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's alright' said Paddy. 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

'Just 3 Questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked Paddy.

St Peter said, 'The 1st question is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'? The second is: How many seconds are there in a year? The third is: What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda? Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So Paddy went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same ). The following morning, St Peter called upon Paddy and asked if he had considered the questions, to which Paddy replied, 'I have.'

'Well then, 'said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

Paddy said, 'Today and Tomorrow.' St. Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then Paddy, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

Paddy replied, 'Just 12!'

'Only 12?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure Paddy?'

'Easy' said Paddy, 'there's the second of January, the second of February right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at Paddy and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking hishead. A short time later St Peter returned to Paddy. 'I'll allow the answer to stand Paddy, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now Paddy, can you tell me the answer to the name of the jolly swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

Paddy replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer, Paddy?'

'It's Andy.'

'Andy??'

'Yes, Andy' said Paddy.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to Paddy, asked 'Paddy, how in God's name did you >arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said Paddy 'Andy sang, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled.'

Soi LK Metro Developments

Several months ago Chris sold Lilo Lils which became known as 3-Som and was run by a young American lass called Sam. Well, Sam has now gone to Kuwait and the place is being run by an affable guy from Florida called Jason. He called by the Metro last night and we had a drink or two and a chat. A nice bloke who I forgot to ask what the name 3-Som meant and oddly for an American wears a West Ham Utd shirt!

City officials have been 'down our soi' and closed a few establishments for not having licences up-to-date. Having had a few phone calls it seems to be a case of previous owners not having paid some fee or other and then the 'new' owner comes on the scene unaware of the unpaid licence and indeed in some cases unaware of the existence of the licence in the first place. Strange as it may seem but there does not seem to be anywhere where you can get a definitive list of what is needed, from whom and for how much. Perhaps not so strange!!

Brian has got his builder doing some work in his new bar across from the Metro. I don't know what he wants to call it yet - must ask him. The Indian restaurant just up the street from there - near the Blue Moon - is also progressing. I expect both places will probably open beginning of next month.

Les, FCUK Inn, is getting married soon - October if I recall the date on the invitation correctly.

Lighten Up 14!

New Indian Restaurant.

Up until last week there was a laundry next door to the Blue Moon. Well, it's gone now and the story goes that a new Indian Restaurant is going to open there. I haven't heard any dates mentioned but I imagine the new business owners will want to be up and running as soon as possible to capture all those hungry tourists elbowing their way up and down the soi! Further news to follow here.

Across from the Metro the beauty shop has gone and been emptied for the new business entrepreneur. Brian should be around there soon to have it open for the end of the month which was his target date the last time I spoke to him. Black and orange if I recall is his preferred colour scheme for the new venture. Further news to follow.

Bar/guesthouse Sale!

Allan at the Blue Moon is calling it a day and has his bar up for sale. Rumour has it that there may soon be a deal done. Current tourist trends haven't done anything to have him have second thoughts. Like pretty much everybody in the tourism sector, the drop in numbers has been felt and not everybody is going to hang around to witness the outcome.

Please Beware!

Pretty much every week there are articles in the local press informing us of yet more muggings or cases of drugging tourists. Although many people are aware of these incidents, there seems to be something about human nature which makes us think it won't happen to us. Well, here is another story:

Two gentlemen were in Metro Bar last weekend and watched the Tri-Nations final. A good rugby match, especially if you are a Kiwi. Anyway, in the course of Sunday afternoon, one of these gentlemen of 'advancing' years met two ladies in a well-known shopping mall in the centre of Pattaya. The end result of a pleasant chat with the charmers was that the said gentleman woke up several hours later in his hotel room, having been drugged and then robbed.

As is often the case, on entry to his hotel he did not (although at time of writing I am not sure if he was fully aware of his actions at this point) have the hotel staff take their ID cards. Subsequent investigations by the local constabulary, which are on-going, indicate that there is CCTV footage of the ladies concerned. It remains to be seen if this will lead to arrests or not.

What is of concern here is not just the fact that these thieves are active everywhere and at all times of the day and night but that whatever they slipped the elderly gentleman, it more or less knocked him out until the next day although he was sufficiently coherent at one point to raise the alarm! In plain language they don't care what effect the drug has on you or whether you recover or not! Some elderly men might well not be able to survive the ravaging effects of these drugs. Fortunately, in this case the victim's mate is a retired doctor who was able to assess his medical condition pretty quickly.

At the risk of being boring, please be careful. It is unwise to 'pick up' these ladies, no matter how charming they may seem, in shopping malls, multiplexes and entertainment zones where you have no idea where they hail from. For that matter, in many of these places you should never go to the loo leaving your drink on the counter/table. Drink up, go to the loo and order a fresh one when you return.

Back at you hotel, get them to retain her ID. Boring I know but better safe than sorry (and possibly broke). This is not the first person I have known have this happen to them and probably it won't be the last but .... it might stop one man's moment of foolishness!

Politics and Tourism

Following lots of shenanigans and posturing during this week the PM/PAD debacle has moved a step further with the announcement that the former, recently ousted PM will not stand for election again. See the article in The Nation.

Perhaps all is not yet lost for the upcoming 'high' season, although the gentleman quoted in this Pattaya Mail article below does seem to be more aware of how disastrous the current political turmoil is for the tourism sector.

As of now, there continues to be lots of speculation concerning who will be the next PM.



http://nationmultimedia.com/2008/09/13/politics/politics_30083368.php
http://www.pattayamail.com/current/news.shtml#hd2

Lighten Up 13!

Widdle Wabbit

A precious little girl walk into a pet shop and asks:
"Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts and he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and says to the little girl:
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy, bwack wabbit or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers ...............................................................
.............................................................................................:

"I don't weally fink my pyfon gives a phuk."

Lighten Up 12!

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.'

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.

If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really f**k, I'll have nothing left to live for.'

Our Soi

Soi LK Metro is actually quite an intriguing little street. Walking/driving along it daily tends towards often ignoring the multiplicity of businesses there. In the short distance between Soi Boukhao and Soi Diana there is an amazing array on offer:
bar of all sorts - sports bars, coyote bars, go-go bars, a bj bar and a 'pleasure park', air-conditioned and open-air; all offering a decent range of local and imported drinks to suit all tastes.

For example, in the Metro we sell not only a range of beers and spirits but also a range of ciders: Bulmers, Blackthorn, Magners, Strongbow and on occasions Olde English. As you would expect, while each place has its own type of music on offer it tends to be eclectic enough to please most people.

There are several travel agencies and a visa shop specialising on visas to UK and Ireland as well as assisting with visa issues here in Thailand.
There are several beauty shops and hairdressers and a massage salon. Additionally there are numerous laundry places and a motorbike rental.

When it comes to food there is a choice of pizza and pasta, international reliables like burgers, steaks, chips, sausages and the sort of food you'd get in a transport cafe. Several places sell Thai food and other Asian food like satay and curry.

There's even a real estate agency for those thinking about buying a place here.

While there are quite a lot of English and Irish run places, there are quite a lot of other nationalities represented too: Italian, Scottish, French, Danish, Belgian, Swedish, Australian and American.

At one end of the soi there is a convenience store if the smaller one in the street doesn't have what you want.

Finally, there are lots of places offering rooms at varying rates - but good value for money. Some with DVDs included in the room rate and a DVD library to select your viewing from. In addition to the standard fare from Sophon cable in the rooms and Truevisons in the bar, at Metro we offer an additional choice of eight sports channels in the bar which regularly cover cricket, rugby, golf, rallying, AFL and a whole host of football matches from around the globe as well as F1, A1, MotoGP, GP2 and a range of bike racing, cycling, athletics and so on.

Nearly every bar has a pool table and some, like ourselves, have several.

Added to that is the fact that the soi does not get a lot of through traffic and is, therefore, as many of you know a pleasant place to sit, chill out and watch the world go by with your friends.

One for local publicans to mull over - a publican's lot in UK is not so great!

A recent report by a trade magazine in UK has highlighted the trend towards ever more pubs closing. One in six is predicted to close by 2012. The reasons for this development are manifold: the smoking ban (non-smokers did not replace the smokers), the availability of cheap booze in supermarkets (although pretty much always cheap it is now even more affordable in relation to salaries) and the credit crunch which seems to come around on average every 10 years or so.
As if this were not bad enough, there is a move on aimed at raising the legal age for buying alcohol to 21 years in Scotland. In the local village where I grew up there were 13 pubs 30 years ago; today there are 5. Some closed when money was tight; some sold their licence to supermarkets aspiring to open off-licences and some just couldn't re-invent themselves. Pool tables appeared but they wouldn't install one; Sky TV came on the scene and they wouldn't pay for sports - so punters went elsewhere. Others offered 'pub-grub' and attracted new customers - those who did nothing failed.
It will be interesting to see how the surviving 85% re-invent themselves this time.

10 September - Doom and Gloom

I spent the last couple of weeks wondering why the end of the world was being predicted for tomorrow. Well, I've cracked it now, I know why some doomsayers were ranting and raving away. Tomorrow, in Switzerland the CERN Laboratory will try to 'create' a smaller, laboratory-sized version of the postulated 'Big Bang' Theory. There are those who say it's a waste of time and money - 2,600 employees forgetting about the construction costs - and others who say it is extremely dangerous because 'mini' black holes could be created and they would consume the earth from within!!

Anyway, now I know where the Thai superstition merchants got their info!

Bar sold, bar opening

It's been rumoured about and denied for a few weeks and now Clu Blu has, indeed, been sold. Good Luck to the new owners.

There are currently six bars / guesthouses in Soi LK Metro run by Irish owners. There is a seventh with a tenuous Irish connection. Well, guess what - another one is going to open at the beginning of October! Brian, from Drogheda and who has bar interests in Spain and Tom from UK are opening across the street from Metro Apartments. Best wishes lads for the future.

Apart from the ever-increasing number of Irish-run bars, there are also quite a few offering Golf outings. Not just The Golf Club but also The Irish Rovers, The Traveler's Rest and Storm's and although he doesn't organise golf outings, Dan from The Haven is a keen golfer who frequently plays a round with Pat from The Irish Rovers.

Lighten Up 11!

Management:

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, Excuse, me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The man below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.'

'You must work in Quality Control,' said the balloonist.
'I do,' replied the man, 'How did you know?'
'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what you're talking about and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've been no help at all. If anything, you've just delayed my trip and wasted my time.'

The man below responded, 'You must be in Management.'
'I am,' replied the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
'Well,' said the man, 'you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a load of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault.'

Harry's Bar, Bangkok

It's always nice to be able to try and help a friend. So, with that in mind, if you are in the Sukhumvit area of Bangkok, near Soi 33 on any Friday evening you can pop along, perhaps, to Harry's Bar which is just off Soi 33 - 3rd alley on the right just before Tenderloins restaurant.

There, Phil and his staff will provide you with a free BBQ and 'buy 2 get 1 free' beers. Go along for a bit of a chat with the lads.