Ryan Giggs today admitted suffering from homesickness saying that although he's happy in Manchester he does Miss Wales occasionally.
What do Fernando Torres and Imogen Thomas have in common ?.......... Not long ago they were both fucking good footballers.
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning the slag in the morning !
It was deep into injury time. I managed to get in the way of a Lampard pass and the ball bounced to Giggs. He gave the ball to Nani who crossed it in for Rooney to volley home the winning goal. The emotion took over me, I took my shirt off, ran towards the crowd and dived in to celebrate with the fans, as I crawled back out and put my shirt back on I knew I'd be in trouble, I'd forgotten to blow my whistle...... A sneak preview from Howard Webb's autobiography.
"What's your name ?" "Colin Fucking Wilson" "Do you suffer from Tourettes Colin ?" "No, but the vicar christening me did".
Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidently swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke this morning with a huge correction.
Due to a super injunction Imogen Thomas is not allowed to name the married premiership footballer she had an affair with. In completely unrelated news in order to boost her singing career Imogen has been doing Giggs in various hotels around Manchester .
I was at work yesterday when a female colleague asked me what my ring tone was. I said "light brown like everyone else's". These women are certainly more forward these days.
Manchester United have released a remix of Paul Hardcastle's hit "19" in honour of how many times they touched the ball against Barcelona .
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers........ so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy
My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking........And then I saw her face
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting paedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.
Wayne Rooney has had a hair transplant. That's a bit like putting a thatched roof on a shit house...... it might keep the flies off but ultimately there is still a large turd underneath.
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta's.....his little face lit up when he tried to walk.
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