News of Sorts - Deutsch

Ich weiss, dass viele von unseren deutschen Gaesten die englische Sprache gut beherrschen wollte aber nunmal etwas auf deutscher Sprache fassen - selbst wenn ich das Risiko eingehe, dass ich nicht mal so gut wie frueher die deutsche Grammatik kann.

Wie woanders erwaehnt gibt es jetzt nicht so viele Touristen am Ort. Durch meine Gespraeche mit anderen Gaesten habe ich feststellen koennen, dass die Preiserhoehungen fuer Fluege aus Deutschland nicht so sehr angestiegen sind im Vergleich zu den Kosten fuer Fluege die in England und Irland starten. Ein Landsmann, der gerade hier ist, hat mir erzaehlt dass er 400 Euro mehr bezahlen musste fuer einen Flug aus Dublin im Vergleich zum letzten Jahr. Ein Anderer aus England hat 1,200 Pfund zahlen mussen von London aus - und dies sind Turnschuhklasse.

Bei solchen Kostenerhoehungen ist es durchaus zu erwarten, dass die Anzahl von Besuchern weiter senken wird.

Fuer diejenigen die hier sind, gibt es eine Uebermenge von Maedels zu betrachten. Vielleicht entscheiden sich welche doch noch Thailand zu besuchen trotz den grauen Wolken?

Ansonsten koennen wir nur mal abwarten um zu sehen wie sich der Saison und den Rest des Jahres entwickelt. Abgesehen von Sprit merkt man wenig von den steigenden Kosten wenn man mal hier ist. Manche Buden versuchen mehr Geld fuer Massagen zu verlangen koennen aber dies selten durchsetzen.

Lighten Up 5!

Disorder in the Courts - These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.



LAWYER: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ___________________________________________________

LAWYER: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________________



LAWYER: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

LAWYER: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

____________________________________

LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

LAWYER: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

______________________________________

LAWYER: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

LAWYER: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

LAWYER: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

______________________________________

LAWYER: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

_____________ _______________________

LAWYER: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

________________________________________

LAWYER: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?

__________________________________

LAWYER: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!

______________________________________

LAWYER: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

LAWYER: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me? Your Honour, I think I need a different lawyer. Can I get a new Lawyer?

______________________________________

LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it ? ______________________________________

LAWYER: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

LAWYER: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

_____________________________________

LAWYER: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your lawyer?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________

LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? ______________________________________

LAWYER: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________

LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ____________________________________________

LAWYER: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________

And the best for last:

______________________________________

LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

LAWYER: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Pattaya Tourist Numbers Down

For those who keep in touch here, based not only on personal observations but also on feedback from guests staying with us just now, Pattaya is pretty quiet now. A quick glance at my files would indicate that the fuel surcharges are biting. I predict August and September numbers to be lower than last year - a situation which might well continue into the 'high season'. It's a buyer's market as they say in the bars!! Further updates as we get closer to high season.

Lighten Up 4!

A young ventriloquist was doing a show in Accrington . With his dummy on his knee, he started going through his usual dumb blond jokes, when a blond in the second row stood on her chair and started shouting:


'I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes,' she screamed. 'What makes you think you can stereotype women in that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's people like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as people. It's all because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blonds, but women in general - and all in the name of humour.'


The embarrassed ventriloquist began to apologise, whereupon the blond yelled,


'You stay out of this. I'm talking to that little bastard on your lap.

ICE - update

A few of us went into ICE last night. In actual fact quite a bit of refurbishment has been done and the bar looks very nice. The front exterior wall is now gone and is plate glass. White interior, bar at the back, circular, raised dance area in the centre and several, raised dancing areas at the windows at the front. There were eight of us in the group and the bill was 880 for a selection of beers and whiskeys. Eddie is the guy who owns it. Worth a visit when you're in town.

Lighten Up 3! - High School Reunion

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken woman swigging her drink, as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asks,

'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed. 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she started drinking right after we split up all those years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.

'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

So you see, there really are two ways to look at everything ......

Lighten Up 2! - Amish / Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked,

'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded,

'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son

'Go get your mother.'

New Bar in Soi LK Metro

Within the last few days a new establishment has opened in the soi. Gorkle which was previously known as Memories a Go Go has changed hands. Over the last few weeks the new owner has refurbished it somewhat and has changed it from a Go Go into a coyote style bar. The new name is ICE. It opened on Saturday I believe as I have not been in it yet but that will change soon. I wish the new owner well.

Lighten Up! -Isle of Wight Ferry

A young blonde Portsmouth girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Gunwharf Quay.As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by.
'You're not thinking of jumping, are you babes?' he asked.
'Yes, I am.' replied the sobbing girl.
Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge.
'Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what; I'm sailing off for Australia tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over there. I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night and I'll look after you if you look after me if you know what I mean. You just have to keep very quiet so that you won't be found'.
The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her until dawn.Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation.The girl came clean,
'I've stowed away to get to Australia . One of the sailors is helping me out. He set me up in here and brings me food and water every night and he's screwing me.'
The captain stared at her for a moment before he replied,
'He certainly is love. This is the Isle of Wight Ferry .

The Next week in Sport

Saturday sees the next Tri-Nations at 4pm local between Australia and South Africa, and the 3rd day of the Open. F1 qualifying, the Tour de France and GP" Race 1 finish off the sport today - unless you want to watch England - South Africa in the 2nd Test.
Sunday sees the end of the Open and F1 Race. Cricket and Tour de France continue.
Monday - cricket and the start of the ATP Toronto. The Tour has a rest day.
Tuesday and Wednesday continue the Monday trend until Thursday and Friday when the Russian Open and the Senior Open are on.

Birthday Party - Anna and Dow

The Birthday Girls ... and minders!!

Some colleagues....

and it's Wednesday, 16 July, the night before the two 'dry' days! Although there aren't a lot of people in town regulars, guests and friends arrive for an evening of fun. In keeping with the nature of Pattaya, there were people from Thailand, UK, Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, Germany, Sweden, USA

Who's this handsome chap?

I've seen that ponytail before!

Stan, Ray and friends in smoker's corner.

To maintain every one's strength there was a multi-national buffet available:

Green Chicken Curry; Squid in Basil; Glass Noodle Salad

Fried Rice with Shrimp; Pig on a Spit; Coleslaw

Potato Salad; Chicken Drumsticks; Tuna Sandwiches

Chicken Tikka Masala; Rogan Josh; Nan Bread

Saffron Rice.

We did not have a band and kept the RnR music low enough so that people could enjoy themselves and have a chat.

Most importantly the birthday girls enjoyed the evening

as did the other guests.

Bye bye Thailand - for now

Over the last few years many guests have become regulars and return two and sometimes more often than that each year. During that time some of you have met Declan, my son. Well, to bring you up to speed, he has now passed his International Baccalaureate and in September will begin a course of study at University. Without any pressure from me, he has decided to pursue a course in Hotel / Hospitality Management in either Scotland or Ireland (he has not decided yet). I look forward to being told what I am doing wrong! Bye bye for now!!

Birthday Party and Anniversary

On Wednesday 16th July – the last night before the two ‘dry’ days, we will be celebrating several occasions:

Anna’s (16 July) birthday and Dow’s (14 July) birthday.

Additionally, the boss will be recovering from his birthday (15 July) and the current management will complete two years in business here.

There will, of course, be a hearty selection of Thai food as well as some non-Thai for those who prefer something slightly different. All regulars, guests and neighbours are most welcome.

Metro Video

Several weeks ago I had the opportunity to see what sort of 'home video' can be produced these days using over-the-counter equipment. The results were sufficiently impressive that I am having prepared a clip which will be a few minutes long. The contents of the clip will be a look at the bar from the street, a view of the bar from inside and a walk through both a standard room and one or two of the superior rooms. The video will be available here on the blog and probably also on the Metro website.

The idea is that it will give potential guests a view of the place. At present there are a few still photos of the place on the website but I feel a video would give a better idea of the place. Given that the production will not be 'P R Department' standard, what customers will be able to see is a true reflection of the Metro - warts and all!!

An additional bonus is it will give my daughter something to do during the summer holidays from school as it was her video on Pattaya that got me thinking in the first place!

New Bar Opens in Soi LK Metro

Tuesday 1st July brought us the opening of the Liquid Lounge at the top of the street. Previously it was known as Stereo Bar.

The guys running it (English but time spent in Australia) have refurbished and given it a new fresh look. It is still open-air but the bar is somewhat smaller and tucked into the corner. I had a few jars with Les of FCUK on opening night and noticed some chrome poles which no doubt will be put under some strain by dancers as lads drink their beer.

Best wishes to the new owners.

16th July - Party night

July 16th is the date on which we will celebrate two special occasions.
Most importantly it is Anna's birthday - 21 again!!
It is also the date when we celebrate the Metro's anniversary.

The buffet has yet to be decided but will have more Thai dishes this year mindful that we are celebrating Anna's birthday. You can expect some European items as well as a range of Thai dishes both spicy and not.

More Sports Upcoming

Instead of a schedule which is in the bar anyway, this is a sort of quick reference as to what you can see in the Metro over the next few days and weeks:

Wimbledon is at Day 10 Thursday 3rd July
European Open is at Day 1 also on Thursday 3rd July

GP2 Series gets underway with practice and qualifying on Friday 4th July and also the practice sessions for the F1 and the Windies v Australia ODI. Wimbledon continues.

On Saturday 6th at 1.30pm the TriNations kicks off with New Zealand v South Africa. This game is followed by Australia v France 2nd Test. Wimbledon continues. Saturday is also the beginning of the Tour de France on TV at 4.45pm. Additionally the European Open and the GP2 race as well as F1 qualifying.

Sunday sees the remainder of the GP2 racing, the F1 race, the Wimbledon Final and the last day of the European Open Golf as well as the Tour de France which continues.

Additionally, we show pretty much all the NRL and AFL matches broadcast on the Australia Network.

Next update soon - which just may include news on GAA games. For some time we have been trialling reception of this and hope to reach suitable standards soon.